Tuesday, April 19, 2005

Cupcakes for Everyone!

The CDC almost admits that their war on "obesity" is based more on aesthetic preference and less on true health concerns!
  • "Being overweight is nowhere near as big a killer as the government thought, ranking No. 7 instead of No. 2 among the nation's leading preventable causes of death, according to a startling new calculation from the CDC."
  • "But like several recent smaller studies, it found that people who are modestly overweight actually have a lower risk of death than those of normal weight."
  • "CDC Director Dr. Julie Gerberding said because of the uncertainty in calculating the health effects of being overweight, the CDC is not going to use the brand-new figure of 25,814 in its public awareness campaigns and is not going to scale back its fight against obesity."

Yes, we are going to continue to make fat teenagers (and others) feel like shit about themselves based on false numbers, because it never bothers teens to find out that people in positions of authority have lied to them!

Here, fat teenagers, are some true things you can count on: Masturbation is fun and, since it raises your heart rate, it's like exercise, but it doesn't suck! Sex is also fun and raises your heart rate and, if you can get five or six people involved, it's almost like a team sport. Just be sure to use condoms and other forms of birth control. Also, don't invite clean-cut kids who listen to death metal to your orgies; they will only break your heart.

My point, fat teenagers, is that, while PE is lame and sports suck, there are plenty of exciting things you can do with your body that raise your heart rate and keep your heart pumping hard for prolonged periods of time. Love yourself as much as you can and each other when you can and eat what you want.


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