Wednesday, July 06, 2005
About Me
- Name: Aunt B
- Location: Nashville, Tennessee, United States
Like Donnell Alexander says, "It's about completing the task of living with enough spontaneity to splurge some of it on bystanders, to share with others working through their own travails a little of your bonus life." But, it's mostly the kind of place that folks looking for "girls and cars" stumble across by accident.
I'VE MOVED. COME CHECK OUT THE MOST RECENT STUFF HERE.
WHERE TO DIRECT YOUR HATE MAIL AND LOVE LETTERS
ALL PROCEEDS GO TO BEER
THINGS I SAID RECENTLY
- Up So High and Down So Low
- Muriel Cigars
- Renaissance Hair
- Aw, Shucks
- Brief Update
- One More New Blog
- I'm Sorry, I Know They're Corny, But I Love These ...
- "God Bless America" is for sissies
- My Dad Reads Something I've Written
THE CAST OF CHARACTERS
Aunt B.--Your kind host.The Butcher--My youngest brother, who lives with me and works as, you guessed it, a butcher. He knows everyone in town.
The Recalcitrant Brother--Our middle brother, who lives in rural Georgia and has a kind of movie star life, if that movie star is Burt Reynolds in Deliverance.
The Reverend--Our Dad, a Methodist minister, perpetually three years from retirement.
Mom--Our Mom. She doesn't get a funny nickname because our mom will not stand for funny nicknames.
Mrs. Wigglebottom--My dog. She's got terrible manners.
The Corporate Shill--Or The Shill, as we call her. My friend from college who was constantly getting me into trouble and going to parties she neglected to tell me about where cute boys would ask her "Where's Aunt B.?"
The Legal Eagle--The Shill's husband.
The Super Genius--She lived next door to me my freshman year of college and we've been friends ever since my first day on the floor.
Miss J.--My first adult friend, meaning the first lasting friendship I made after college. She was my roommate in grad school.
Her Lover--Her Husband.
The Divine Ms. B.--Miss J.'s sister and one of my heroes, because she's brave and funny and mystic and fearless.
JR--My oldest friend. I've known her since I was in the second grade.
Elias--JR's husband and the person who's musical tastes have most strongly affected my own. Oh, how I long to be cooler than him!
The Professor--My closest friend here in Nashville. She's a genius, but she'll never tell you that.
The Man from GM--I've known him since I was 16 and he still hasn't forgiven me for telling him I was a vegetarian when I wasn't.
The Redheaded Kid--No one knows where he comes from or where he goes when he leaves here. I assume he's the Butcher's friend. The Butcher assumes he's mine.
7 Comments:
Dear Professor, I love you dearly, but I call bullshit. I could certainly believe that, if one became singularly attached to a powerful vibrator that it might make a mere mortal something of a let-down.
But I don't think one's ability to repeatedly induce "hysterical paroxysm" in oneself through conventional methods is any threat to other human beings, especially when other human beings are so much fun.
Unless you've got a secret maneuver the rest of us don't know. In which case, 'fess up, woman.
Otherwise, I'm going to wait for the Butcher to leave for the evening and quietly read old Luce aloud--"A women 'touches herself' constantly without anyone being able to forbid her do so, for her sex is composed of two lips which embrace continually. Thus, with herself she is already two - but not divisible into ones - which stimulate each other."--and not worry about whether it ruins me for Dan Abrams and Jackie Guerra.
Tee hee!
Aunt B, I Hope you have your brain scanner.
Of course at your place it would be a "Cat" Scan.
Get it? Cat? Your blog is...never mind. Get back to your dirty,dirty business.
Note: Here lately I've been referring to the device you ladies use as a "flashlight for the blind"
When I said "popping one off," I didn't mean "writing just one post."
Does that help?
I like "have a session" and "jilling off," FYI. An old boyfriend and I coined "wank-naps" for those sessions followed by the immediate (and yielded-to) urge to sleep. I'm digging your bloggage--I'll be creepin through your posts.
Incidentally, I think tiny cat shoes *might* be funnier than tiny cat pants. A friend of mine says that she's never been interested in dressing up her cats, but thinks it would be hilarious to put shoes on them. Specifically, tap shoes. It would make them nuts.
I still think "tiny cat pants" is the most hilarious. It even sounds funny when you say it out loud.
But, I will admit that the thought of tiny cat shoes... tap shoes... pretty damn funny.
Woman! You have 57 lovers. If one of them only has one in him, roll that fucker out of bed and call in the next one.
“Flicking the bean” is a good alternative. Nat and I however prefer to use the one we learned from a co-workers slang dictionary “watching Andy Griffith”.
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