Friday, August 12, 2005

ID--The Remix

One thing I don't want to get lost in our talk of Intelligent Design (because it seems like the conversation is going in other interesting directions) is that I don't want us to fail to see this for what it is: a profound theological crisis. Anyone with a basic understanding of the New Testament and a basic understanding of human nature ought to recognize what's going on with this attempt to codify a certain type of Christian belief in the school systems and this attempt to shun homosexuals into non-existence and this attempt to return women to their rightful place under the authority of husbands. What this is, at its heart, is a group of Christians trying to make a deal with God. For those of you who need a short refresher course on how that tends to go, let me remind you. You can make deals with the Devil--even learn to play the blues--but you will lose your soul in the end. You cannot bargain with God. There are a number of theological problems with the ID debate. First Christians again mistake Jesus's nature. If you read the New Testament, you'll see that one of the things that made Jesus unrecognizable as the messiah to most people is that they were expecting a military king, someone to come down and kick some ass for God. Instead, they got a carpenter and his fishermen buddies asking them to give up everything they had, even their dreams of military power. And here we are again, with these Christians transforming themselves into a virtual army of God battling against the evils of the secular world, because, again, they refuse to see that their messiah refuses to be a general. But these Christians really want power. They want a Godly man in the White House so desperately they refuse to see his failings as a human being. They want to have their way so desperately in the court houses that they overlook the pitfall of worshipping false idols. They want to have their way in the public schools so desperately that they ignore Jesus's admonition to render under Caesar what is Caesar's. And they really, really don't want to give themselves over to the transformative power of Jesus, because the only thing Jesus asks, again and again, is to let go of the things you think you can't do without and see how it goes. This, at its heart, is why they don't go after adulterers with the same zeal they go after homosexuals or why they don't go after rich people who refuse to give all they have to the poor with the same zeal they go after women who refuse to submit to men. Because they are the money-hungry. The adulterers are among them. They want to fix what's "wrong" out there. They don't want to look inward at their own problems. They're trying to strike a bargain so that they don't have to change. "God, if you don't expect me to do what Jesus asked, then I will go after those fornicators and blasphemers and heathens. Lord, if you just let me hold onto this power and have a little more, I will be an army against your enemies." Bargaining with God... Good luck with that.


Blogger rugdesigner said...


8/12/2005 07:55:00 AM  
Blogger Twyla said...

The other thing that bugs me about the ID thingy is why the schools should be expected to teach only one version of ID. Why only the christian mythology? There are other, excellent mythologies out there, full of wonderful metaphor and imagery. Oops, that would be admitting that the christian mythology is the ONE TRUTH. Forgot.

8/12/2005 08:57:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was raised Southern Baptist. There whole thing a few years back about women submitting to men was one of the major things that pushed me away from it. The more recent issues with homosexual hating just reinforce it.


8/12/2005 09:51:00 AM  
Anonymous The Yellow Brand Hammer Co. said...

Aunt B,

Run for something so I can vote for you.


8/12/2005 10:35:00 AM  
Blogger _Summer_ said...

Would I be out of place if I engaged in a little Aresenio Hall-style arm-pumping here?


(There it is.)

Excellent post. I'm tempted to forward it to my holier-than-every-damn-body tempted.

8/12/2005 10:45:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't do it Summer. Then you'll have to read her in the comments.


8/12/2005 11:25:00 AM  
Blogger MSSunderstood said...

Extremely well said.

"and those who oppose her shall be laid waste before her voice."

No pressure!

8/12/2005 12:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

(Best when read with Andy Rooney's voice.)

I don't get all this fuss about Christianity and people trying to make deals with God.
Are you going to tell me that a god who sprang from Middle Eastern tribal worship isn't used to a little haggling? And let me just say this about Intelligent Design, if you create plants the day before you create the sun, how do you expect photosynthesis to occur and keep those plants alive? And if you haven't created the sun until the third day, how do you know how many days have passed? Doesn't sound very Intelligent to me.

And what enemies does God have, exactly? Satan is more like a relative who lives out of state that God just doesn't talk to anymore. Probably because of that time Satan got drunk at the family reunion and made an ass out of himself.

God can't have enemies here amongst the humans. That's like if I called the ants in my basement my "enemies". Richard Nixon had enemies. God doesn't even have foes, competitors or opponents. There is no one in his league. Or if there is, why aren't we worshipping them? We can probably get a better after-life deal.

Sure God has his critics. For instance how big of a favor is it to send down your son to die for our sins? God created and codified sin. There would be no sin if He didn't come up with it in the first place. And if God is so loving and forgiving, why did he need a human sacrifice to seal the deal? Plus, God sent the poor kid down here to die in the first place. Sure, it wasn't in Mel Gibson's movie, but the Jews didn't kill Christ, it was his Old Man. It was a set up. What kind of good example is that? Gee, thanks God. You killed your kid on my behalf. I'll definitely try to keep the music turned down. Wouldn't want to piss you off. How 'bout if I shoot the neighbors dog? How many sins does that rub off the books? Sorry, I thought the big sin was killing. Well, two wrongs do make a right, I guess.

Whatever good Jesus tries to preach, it got muscled out of the Bible by that scheming infiltrator Paul. He owns the second half of the New Testament. He didn't even know Jesus and starts calling himself an Apostle. That takes some balls. I'm going to start calling myself a Beatle. Maybe I can get a record deal.

As far as power hungry Christians go, they haven't changed much since Paul and the first popes. You can't build a visible-from-space-megachurch with loaves and fishes. But if you get a McDonalds, Starbucks, and some form of money-changing outfit to open up in the atrium. KA-CHING!

8/12/2005 04:13:00 PM  
Blogger Yankee T said...

Yeah, what the Yellow Brand Hammer Co. said. You run, I'll vote. I wouldn't even have to move out of state!

8/12/2005 04:59:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

People! Please. I spend most of my free time walking the dog, masturbating, and singing in the shower. Let's tone down the compliments; they're throwing me off-kilter. Plus, I already tried to run for John Ford's seat, and only YT would vote for me.

Sarcastro, I'd buy you as a Beatle. Shit, if they can make that Stuart Copeland guy into a Beatle retroactively, you can be a Beatle.

8/12/2005 05:13:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Oops. Stewart Copeland is with The Police.

Stuart Sutcliffe is the lost Beatle.

8/12/2005 05:15:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sarcastro brought out some good points to ponder. How about this scenario? You have two little boys. Each boy is making something in school for fathers day. For simplicity, let's call them Bobby and Billy. Bobby makes Daddy a book about fishing. He is sure Daddy is going to be pleased. Billy decides to make Daddy a sanding block. He is sure Daddy is going to be pleased. They rush home from school with their treasures. They are aflutter with anticpation of Daddy's pleasure.

Daddy takes both presents and looks at them. He says, "I like Billy's sanding block better than Bobby's book."

Kids are taught to honor their mother and father so Bobby doesn't get angry at his father, who has hurt him beyond words. He gets angry at his brother who his father likes better.

Now, let us rename those boys, Cain and Able.

8/13/2005 01:45:00 PM  
Blogger Steve Pick said...

Aunt B, in between masturbating, walking the dog, and singing in the shower, you are a fountain of wisdom. This is easily one of the finest, wisest essays I've ever read on the subject of religious intolerance.

8/14/2005 08:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

Stewart Copeland did become a retroactive member of The Doors recently. Then he got fired. And he sued. And John Densmore sued. So the legacy of The Doors is much like the legacy of The Beatles--massive litigation extending decades past the actual lives of the members.

8/14/2005 01:13:00 PM  

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