Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Non-organic Women

Bless you, Salon.com, for publishing a story so disturbing that you have made me forget all of my problems, any political stance I might have held 20 minutes ago, everything at all except for the searing image of a man playing video games with his non-organic girlfriend. Male readers of Tiny Cat Pants, if you have a fake girlfriend made of silicone, please, never tell me.


Blogger Kat Coble said...

Wow. I don't really know which is creepier.

1. The fact that the guy calls himself "Davecat". It may be a cultural name with which I'm not familiar but it sounds eerilie like his IM nick.

2. The fact that Oddguy6259 has no one else (apparently) to play video games with.

3. The fact that he calls his giant creepy rubber doll a "teddy bear with benefits."

I imagine a scenario where an overly curious 11-year-old tried to get oral sex from a Teddy Ruxpin doll that unexpectedly ran out of batteries and scarred the tip of his member.

Excuse me while I try to wash out my brain.

10/11/2005 09:26:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

I'm still hung up on the use of the term "organic women" as if plastic women are really a viable alternative. That's going to creep me out all day.

10/11/2005 09:42:00 AM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

I had a girlfriend with silicone parts, does that count?

10/11/2005 10:13:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Of course you did.

My god, you crack me up.

10/11/2005 10:26:00 AM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

She came over to gather some more of her stuff last night. At this rate, all of her clothes will be out of my house by 2012. About the same time her tits explode.

10/11/2005 10:32:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

What the fuck?! She's still not completely gone? My god. That woman is amazing. Did you pay for the tits?

Because, if you did, I'm totally going to go out and stand on the corner and spout poetry in her honor.

I know all we're getting about her is through you, but it's like hearing second-hand about a great high-wire artist. Now, obviously, I'm never getting out on the wire--no balance, fear of heights, etc.--but I can appreciate the artistry involved.

It's the same thing with her. It's not something I would do, but my god, you have to give the woman props for artistic merit.

10/11/2005 10:54:00 AM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

See you on the corner, today.

What artistry? I'm a sucker for a pretty face.

10/11/2005 10:58:00 AM  
Blogger Taketoshi said...

personally i can't believe you'd never heard of real dolls before this. man, i got creeped out over this about a year ago i guess.

10/11/2005 11:11:00 AM  
Blogger melusina said...

Yowsa. Well, I'm not sure there is much to say. I knew about RealDolls for awhile, but I haven't ever read a story like this.

Yes, your doll IS manic depressive.

I can't complain too much, these are the type of people who will be putting food on our table once my husband is done specializing.

10/11/2005 11:20:00 AM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

Sar, since you paid for them, ask her to leave them next time she comes over for a batch of Beanie Babies, My Little Ponies and whatever else she left at your house.

What cracks me up most about the RealDolls (TM) website is how they've posed them all in classic porn stances. My favorite is the Male Doll bent over in the hot tub.

10/11/2005 11:24:00 AM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

Dude. Can you imagine fighting your RealDoll (TM) for the remote control?!?!

"Yes, Pinocchio, you can be a real man!!!"

10/11/2005 11:27:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I broke my salon boycott* for just long enough to see this. It was all disturbing and shocking and horribly wrong until I got to this:

"For the most part, it's just like sex with an organic woman ... who doesn't say anything and is brimful of Quaaludes"

and then it all went more horribly wrong than horribly wrong should ever be. It would be worse than shooting fish in a stock pot to point out all the ways it is horribly wrong. I could not bring myself to finish the article. But I am still laughing about Teddy Ruxpin.


*No reason for it, other than reading it makes me feel like I'm spending too much time with a bunch of too cool for school 2005 model yuppies or whatever the word is now. Or more specifically, I hate the snotty tone that's in every damn article. I'm done being old and cranky now.

10/11/2005 11:31:00 AM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

SG has convinced me to read the full article, which I'm halfway thru

Most suprising line so far:

"Aside from Sidore, Davecat has never officially dated anyone. "

10/11/2005 12:08:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Oh my god. That woman is totally my hero.

I just have to figure out how to render "She's totally not through with you and knows you're not quite through with her and thus continues to make reasons to continue to see you because she already knows she can usually get you to do what she wants" in iambic pentameter and then I'll be out on the Broadway Park.

I am in awe of her genius.

Beanie Babies? Woo-hoo, nothing says HOT like a woman with a house full of kid's toys.

Okay, I'm done teasing now. Not done laughing, but done teasing.

10/11/2005 12:08:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Now, Kat, come on. That has to be the least surprising line in that whole story.

10/11/2005 12:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

Don't hurt yourself laughing. I had to pick between bringing you tequila and meeting her at the house. Guess who won?

10/11/2005 12:18:00 PM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

I was being ironic...yet...

The actual least suprising line in the story is:

"Another prospective customer sent nude pictures of his 60-year-old mother, wanting a custom-built replica."

As Jim Morrison once screamed....

10/11/2005 12:19:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Oh, please. Of course she did. Like I said, obviously, you're not quite done with her.

Don't worry. My ample real tits and I got along just fine without your company.

It would have been nice to have you there, but I can see how an afternoon of sorting My Pretty Ponies might seem like more fun.

10/11/2005 12:24:00 PM  
Anonymous Norman Bates said...

Hey, Mom passed away and I miss her.

Don't ask how I got the pictures. Well, okay, here goes: We own this motel out by the old highway. Anyway, I can see into the bathroom of Room #1 through a peephole...

10/11/2005 12:26:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

With time, distance, and lunch it becomes funny...I've already identified myself or been identified as white, scandinavian-american, female, midwestern, crazy or any number of other things. Does this mean I have to start identifying as an organic woman too? Do I have to join a support group? Will this impact my voting? Will I be able to resist pointing out that this oxymoron is so stupid it isn't even worth pointing out that it is?

Uh, no on the last one. :)

I will admit that I did start skimming a little bit and the guy talking "mah dogs" and "the sex" made me laugh. Not at the expense of people of the south if that's how you read mah, but at the expense of people who want silicone dogs for the sex.


10/11/2005 01:16:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Well, Super Genius, thank you for bringing up the one part of that article I didn't even want to contemplate.

As a side note, what ever happened to that guy in Peoria whose dad shot him for being married to his dog? Or I guess, more importantly, what ever happened to his dad?

10/11/2005 02:41:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now, if you're going to put up the article we are going to contemplate the entire thing....salon in all of salon's prurient glory.

Dude, I did not even know some guy married his dog. Apparently the locals are censoring the news they let out. Sounds more like Pekin to me. I was too busy worrying about the hubcap house (google image search hubcap house peoria to see the wonder) closing and that kitchen cooked potato chips are not sold in my area. Ordering them online seems a bit extreme...especially when I get them as a hostess gift every time the locals come to visit.

Also, I know the salon photos are supposed to show the realness but they only seem to show the waxiness.

-The SuperGenius

10/11/2005 03:09:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

This was a while ago. I'm going to have to ask my dad, but as I recall, it was very involved. The dog-fucker was called for jury duty, which is how he came to the attention of the media at first, because of how he answered some question about being married.

His dad was so distraught the story in the paper that he went over to the son's house, only to find him with his "wife" and the upset dad shot him.

He didn't die.

But then the dad went on trial. Then my parents moved.

I don't know what ever happened with it.

As for the photos, I recommend avoiding Kat's link, which will take you to the website, which is really disturbing, especially the picture of the guy groping the fake fake boobs*.

*Fake fake being fake ones encased in fake skin as opposed to fake ones in real skin.

10/11/2005 03:19:00 PM  
Blogger John H said...

Has anybody noticed that Davecat has an oddly Hitleresque haircut? Not that his non-organic girlfriend would really care...

10/11/2005 04:48:00 PM  

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