Yeah, I'm Jealous, What of It?
posted by Aunt B at 2/19/2006 11:40:00 AM
Sunday, February 19, 2006
About Me
- Name: Aunt B
- Location: Nashville, Tennessee, United States
Like Donnell Alexander says, "It's about completing the task of living with enough spontaneity to splurge some of it on bystanders, to share with others working through their own travails a little of your bonus life." But, it's mostly the kind of place that folks looking for "girls and cars" stumble across by accident.
I'VE MOVED. COME CHECK OUT THE MOST RECENT STUFF HERE.
WHERE TO DIRECT YOUR HATE MAIL AND LOVE LETTERS
ALL PROCEEDS GO TO BEER
THINGS I SAID RECENTLY
- Straight Men, Why Do You Put Up with this Nonsense?
- Chef Yang's
- My Grandma's Noodles
- The Underpants, Revisited
- A Poem for David Boaz
- The Underpants
- Vacation
- My Problems are Obvious
- The Professor's Bean Soup and Other Stories
Nashville Knucklehead
Sarcastro
chez bez
Mr. Mack
W
Aunt B
Nashville Knucklehead
Aunt B
Nashville Knucklehead
Kleinheider
Aunt B
Rex L. Camino
chez bez
Sarcastro
Aunt B
Rex L. Camino
T.V. Fritz
saraclark
Aunt B
Peggasus
Aunt B
Tim Winni
Exador
Aunt B
Exador
Sarcastro
Exador
Mr. Mack
Sarcastro
Peggasus
Exador
Mr. Mack
Mr. Mack
Aunt B
Sarcastro
Aunt B
Sarcastro
Exador
W
Newscoma
Exador
Ryan
Nashville Knucklehead
Aunt B
Newscoma
Ryan
Plimco
cafiend
Aunt B
Yankee, Transferred
Exador
Aunt B
THE CAST OF CHARACTERS
Aunt B.--Your kind host.The Butcher--My youngest brother, who lives with me and works as, you guessed it, a butcher. He knows everyone in town.
The Recalcitrant Brother--Our middle brother, who lives in rural Georgia and has a kind of movie star life, if that movie star is Burt Reynolds in Deliverance.
The Reverend--Our Dad, a Methodist minister, perpetually three years from retirement.
Mom--Our Mom. She doesn't get a funny nickname because our mom will not stand for funny nicknames.
Mrs. Wigglebottom--My dog. She's got terrible manners.
The Corporate Shill--Or The Shill, as we call her. My friend from college who was constantly getting me into trouble and going to parties she neglected to tell me about where cute boys would ask her "Where's Aunt B.?"
The Legal Eagle--The Shill's husband.
The Super Genius--She lived next door to me my freshman year of college and we've been friends ever since my first day on the floor.
Miss J.--My first adult friend, meaning the first lasting friendship I made after college. She was my roommate in grad school.
Her Lover--Her Husband.
The Divine Ms. B.--Miss J.'s sister and one of my heroes, because she's brave and funny and mystic and fearless.
JR--My oldest friend. I've known her since I was in the second grade.
Elias--JR's husband and the person who's musical tastes have most strongly affected my own. Oh, how I long to be cooler than him!
The Professor--My closest friend here in Nashville. She's a genius, but she'll never tell you that.
The Man from GM--I've known him since I was 16 and he still hasn't forgiven me for telling him I was a vegetarian when I wasn't.
The Redheaded Kid--No one knows where he comes from or where he goes when he leaves here. I assume he's the Butcher's friend. The Butcher assumes he's mine.
3 Comments:
Jesus on a brass pole, the envy in your bones oozes out onto the keyboard, doesn't it?
If you do, in fact, pay attention to the liberal media, why didn't you come across it on Thursday? It must be the veil of the green fog of jealousy shrouding your brain.
Don't turn this around on me. I clearly said (with terrible punctuation, now that I look at it) that I was jealous.
So, big man, you're going to have to come up with a little something better than
Me: I'm jealous.
You: Oh, yeah? Well, you're just jealous.
As for me not seeing it in Slate, you want me to be your fucking publicist, I'm going to need to see some money. Your mom pays me fifty bucks a pop to write nice things about you. Occassionally your dad pays me $35 to write snarky bad things about you. I'm willing to charge you what I charge your dad. I'm nice like that.
So, for thirty five dollars an hour, I'll scan the internet for mention of you and bring it to your attention so that you can properly revel in the fame.
I know you are, nyah nyah nyah.
For $35 an hour, you better be cleaning my house, too. Wait, I've seen your house. Never mind.
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