Friday, February 17, 2006
About Me
- Name: Aunt B
- Location: Nashville, Tennessee, United States
Like Donnell Alexander says, "It's about completing the task of living with enough spontaneity to splurge some of it on bystanders, to share with others working through their own travails a little of your bonus life." But, it's mostly the kind of place that folks looking for "girls and cars" stumble across by accident.
I'VE MOVED. COME CHECK OUT THE MOST RECENT STUFF HERE.
WHERE TO DIRECT YOUR HATE MAIL AND LOVE LETTERS
ALL PROCEEDS GO TO BEER
THINGS I SAID RECENTLY
- The Professor's Bean Soup and Other Stories
- Mrs. Wigglebottom's Love for Trucks
- Karin Agness is So Cute I Could Just Eat Her Up (a...
- Please Explain This To Me
- Walk, Don't Run
- Go Help W.!
- I Suck
- Ferocious Pit Bull Kills Everyone at the Westminster
- Assorted Stuff
- A Napkin Cooter
THE CAST OF CHARACTERS
Aunt B.--Your kind host.The Butcher--My youngest brother, who lives with me and works as, you guessed it, a butcher. He knows everyone in town.
The Recalcitrant Brother--Our middle brother, who lives in rural Georgia and has a kind of movie star life, if that movie star is Burt Reynolds in Deliverance.
The Reverend--Our Dad, a Methodist minister, perpetually three years from retirement.
Mom--Our Mom. She doesn't get a funny nickname because our mom will not stand for funny nicknames.
Mrs. Wigglebottom--My dog. She's got terrible manners.
The Corporate Shill--Or The Shill, as we call her. My friend from college who was constantly getting me into trouble and going to parties she neglected to tell me about where cute boys would ask her "Where's Aunt B.?"
The Legal Eagle--The Shill's husband.
The Super Genius--She lived next door to me my freshman year of college and we've been friends ever since my first day on the floor.
Miss J.--My first adult friend, meaning the first lasting friendship I made after college. She was my roommate in grad school.
Her Lover--Her Husband.
The Divine Ms. B.--Miss J.'s sister and one of my heroes, because she's brave and funny and mystic and fearless.
JR--My oldest friend. I've known her since I was in the second grade.
Elias--JR's husband and the person who's musical tastes have most strongly affected my own. Oh, how I long to be cooler than him!
The Professor--My closest friend here in Nashville. She's a genius, but she'll never tell you that.
The Man from GM--I've known him since I was 16 and he still hasn't forgiven me for telling him I was a vegetarian when I wasn't.
The Redheaded Kid--No one knows where he comes from or where he goes when he leaves here. I assume he's the Butcher's friend. The Butcher assumes he's mine.
6 Comments:
Last week at work:
"newscoma, you are Mary Sunshining it to the staff."
I looked at my co-worker who gets her hair done more than I go to the bathroom. "Why does this bother you?"
"Because." she said in an arrogant way that just made my skin crawl. Her eyes googling at me. There is no other explanation.
"Because why," I asked again.
"I just don't like it. It makes me look bad."
"I'm not responsible for that," I said. "That's your shit."
"You need to listen to me," she said angrily. "You really look stupid and I think you don't know how you are perceived by others."
"How about this," I answered, pretty pissed at this point. "What if I just tell you to go fuck yourself in front of the other employees while I'm smiling, doing the Mary Sunshine thing. I wonder who will come off looking better. Probably you, but it would feel pretty good to me."
She huffed off.
I have no idea why I am posting this but guess the wine (box 'o wine) inspired me and the fact its true although the names (mine) has been changed to protect the guilty.
B, for years I didn't take a vacation because I had no money and no place to go. Time came when I just had to get the fuck out of here for a while no matter what. So I figured a place to go (a couple places, actually) and I put it all on my one credit card, which I have for emergencies. Yes, I spent more than I should have and it will take me a good while to pay it off, but on that early morning I sat on the lifeguard chair on a beach in the Outer Banks, having just taken a sunrise stroll, and saw a school of dolphins arcing out of the water just a few hundred feet offshore, it was more than worth it. As was standing at the top of the Cape Hatteras lighthouse (the tallest in America, you know) and taking in the amazing view. Like the commercial says, priceless. Find a place, rent a car and GO.
Ditto what Mr. Buxton said.
Easier said than done--I know. But disappearing can be so fucking good for the soul. I recommend it.
R
You can come visit me. Bring Mrs. Wigglebottom. You'll have the house to yourself all day. You can drink tea and read and write and watch the dogs and take long baths in my pink bathroom.
In the evenings I'll rub your feet and you can tell me ghost stories while we watch the snow outside.
Tired of living in poverty and barely scraping together the money and time to go on vacation, I moved to where I used to go on vacation. I'm still in poverty, but I'm always on vacation. It's a pretty low budget vacation, but it costs less than it used to.
Ryan, I've not been envious of the circumstances that lead to your vacation, but I've been in a constant state of envy about your vacation.
Plimco, that would be lovely.
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