Tuesday, March 21, 2006
About Me
- Name: Aunt B
- Location: Nashville, Tennessee, United States
Like Donnell Alexander says, "It's about completing the task of living with enough spontaneity to splurge some of it on bystanders, to share with others working through their own travails a little of your bonus life." But, it's mostly the kind of place that folks looking for "girls and cars" stumble across by accident.
I'VE MOVED. COME CHECK OUT THE MOST RECENT STUFF HERE.
WHERE TO DIRECT YOUR HATE MAIL AND LOVE LETTERS
ALL PROCEEDS GO TO BEER
THINGS I SAID RECENTLY
- In Which I Confess My True Feelings for the Legal ...
- Congratulations are in Order
- Muddy Paws
- The Orange Cat is Evil and Other Observations
- I'm a Mess
- Who Will Fix My Door This Time?
- Left Hand Vs. Right Hand
- Vacation Day 1
- My Late Reply to the Uncle and Kleinheider
- I Did Fly through the Bermuda Triangle...
THE CAST OF CHARACTERS
Aunt B.--Your kind host.The Butcher--My youngest brother, who lives with me and works as, you guessed it, a butcher. He knows everyone in town.
The Recalcitrant Brother--Our middle brother, who lives in rural Georgia and has a kind of movie star life, if that movie star is Burt Reynolds in Deliverance.
The Reverend--Our Dad, a Methodist minister, perpetually three years from retirement.
Mom--Our Mom. She doesn't get a funny nickname because our mom will not stand for funny nicknames.
Mrs. Wigglebottom--My dog. She's got terrible manners.
The Corporate Shill--Or The Shill, as we call her. My friend from college who was constantly getting me into trouble and going to parties she neglected to tell me about where cute boys would ask her "Where's Aunt B.?"
The Legal Eagle--The Shill's husband.
The Super Genius--She lived next door to me my freshman year of college and we've been friends ever since my first day on the floor.
Miss J.--My first adult friend, meaning the first lasting friendship I made after college. She was my roommate in grad school.
Her Lover--Her Husband.
The Divine Ms. B.--Miss J.'s sister and one of my heroes, because she's brave and funny and mystic and fearless.
JR--My oldest friend. I've known her since I was in the second grade.
Elias--JR's husband and the person who's musical tastes have most strongly affected my own. Oh, how I long to be cooler than him!
The Professor--My closest friend here in Nashville. She's a genius, but she'll never tell you that.
The Man from GM--I've known him since I was 16 and he still hasn't forgiven me for telling him I was a vegetarian when I wasn't.
The Redheaded Kid--No one knows where he comes from or where he goes when he leaves here. I assume he's the Butcher's friend. The Butcher assumes he's mine.
4 Comments:
Stand back, I'm a professional.
As a bona-fide minister/soft rock star and a fan of tiny cat pants I will gladly come over and perform an exorcism on you and your house's electrical system. If you act now I'll even throw in a blessing of that dog/rat of yours, summon a myriad of angels to protect you from evangelical Republicans and their murderous plots against you, and offer a free prayer for your man's left hand strength so that he might smite his foes ambidextrously at dart boards in bars and other houses of ill repute from here to the ends of the earth.
You think I'm joking but I'm just saying...
Welcome to the wonderful world of planned obsolescence
Shaun, you cannot even begin to imagine how happy it would make my poor minister dad if he discovered I'd let you into my house to exorcise my electrical system.
Chris--planned obsolescence... sure... you and your "science" and your reliance on "logic" and reasonable explanations. Clearly, the most obvious reason for my situation is that I have super powers. I'm sorry that your bias against superheros prevents you from realizing the truth.
Planned obsolescence? I would have figured shoddy manufacturing and a freaky coincidence.
Or maybe it's just all the reflection off B's sunburn.
Post a Comment
<< Home