The Kind of Guy I'd Accidentally Marry While Drunk

Okay, have you seen this video "It Takes A Whole Lotta Liquor To Like Her" by Pete Schlegel? Here's why I can't sit at bars and get drunk, because I'd end up married to this guy. It's like the perfect storm of manhood right there. Let's take a look at all the ways in which, though it'd be a bad idea, I'd end up convincing myself that a quicky ceremony out at the wedding chapel on Briley Parkway would be a fine way to spend a drunken afternoon:

1. He's a cutey in that goofy but burley way.
2. He's covering a Hank Jr. song and we all know that I'm an absolute sucker for Hank Jr.
3. According to his website, he's a Midwestern boy.
4. He used to be a state trooper! I wonder if he still has his hat... Sweet Jesus, what a bad idea it would be for there to be an officer of the law in our family! Egad. We'd have to build a cell in our living room to keep my brothers in.
5. His video appears to be, in part, just a taping of karaoke night at some honky-tonk bar.
6. He has a cute little shrugging smirk that would be endearing at first but drive me to violence after about three weeks.
7. Normally, I don't like it when videos work against the point of the song. Like Rhonda Vincent's video for "If Heartaches Had Wings," which is one of the most devastating songs you'll ever here about being trapped in the marriage folks expected you to make. In the song, the speaker is not going anywhere, but in the video, she gets in her car and leaves. The video lacks the guts the song has.

But, in Schlegel's video, as he's been drinking throughout the whole thing, he pulls up to his home in his tour bus and his cute little woman looks out the window and sees him coming and she runs to the kitchen and takes a big swig of something out of a little brown bottle and it's just a nod to the fact that she's probably singing "It Takes a Whole Lotta Liquor to Like Him" at some other karaoke night.