Friday, May 13, 2005

Sexy Jammies

So, last night was a bit like Old Home Night here in Nashville. Miss J., the Divine Ms. B. (and her beautiful glasses), their sister the Queen (how I wish I had made that nickname up for her, but everyone who meets her seems to automatically know to call her that), and their mom, the Jenny of Gin Jenny fame were all in town and I went with them and their assorted hangers-on to a Nashville Sounds game, the Sounds being our minor league baseball team. The Queen scored us some great seats right behind the dugout and it was dollar beer night and the weather was beautiful, so it was pretty awesome, even though the Sounds lost. Here were two hilarious things: 1. As we were leaving, the Queen procured a paper toilet-seat cover and put it around her head and men started coming up to her asking if she was getting married and wanting to hug her. Men of America, do y'all not have toilet seat covers in your bathrooms? If you knew it was a toilet seat cover, would you still think she was hot or would you think she'd lost her mind? So, I couldn't decide which was funnier, the Queen's use of bathroom accoutrements or the fact that so many people saw something white on her head an assumed it was a veil. 2. The Divine Ms. B.'s boyfriend was not present, so in the sixth inning she called him and we sang him that song from Hee Haw "Where, oh where, are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and pbthbthpth you were gone." Now, singing songs from Hee Haw in a town that's still afraid that America thinks of it as the redneck capitol of the universe when it really wants to be seems as a haven for healthcare and publishing millionaires is taking your life into your own hands. Are you poking fun or not? Well, Nashville, I can't stop you from being uneasy about your cultural contribution, but I can tell you that song kicks ass, so go ahead and sign along. Miss J. and I both love baseball and though the Queen's boyfriend thinks baseball's attraction is that the players make the game look so effortless, he is wrong--it's how fine anyone on the field looks. Miss J. and I could not get over the amount of crotch adjusting. Now, I know that having a big piece of plastic in your pants can be uncomfortable, but the unintended side effect is that many of us are sitting in the stands also thinking about what's in your pants. Miss J. summed up the aesthetic: it's a bunch of men running around in sexy jammies.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Waitaminnit, are you implying that the crotch adjusting is, well, hawt?? Had I known this I never woulda been so shy about doing it.
...But then maybe the guy has to be hot to begin with.

5/13/2005 09:52:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

(That's the sort of comment one should stand up and take credit for.)

5/13/2005 09:57:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You were at the Sounds game. I was at the Sounds game. You were drinking flat $1 beer. I was drinking flat $1 beer. You thought crotch adjusting was hot. I thought they must all have crabs.

Ships that pass, etc, etc,...


5/13/2005 09:59:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

I think putting on the uniform kind of makes you hot just by virtue of having it on. I wanted to test that theory by having an inning of naked baseball, but none of the guys in our row thought they'd like that very much.

Jon, that's awesome! Though, I'm afraid, even if you had seen me, you would have never thought "I wonder if that's Aunt B." because I was sitting near a drunk girl in a tank top who kept licking her enormous boobs and if I was distracted by it, I don't know how anyone in our vicinity could have noticed anyone else but her. She made a good ten rows right behind the dugout virtually invisible.

5/13/2005 10:41:00 AM  
Blogger Peggasus said...

Reading about this just reminded me that we were invited to the Joliet Jackhammers opener next week!

In a box. For free. With free food, and, more importantly, free beer.

Why didn't I remember this? It could have happened on the last night of bowling when we were drinking all those free shots from Cute Mike.

And yes, I apparently do live near your aunt. If you're ever in the neighborhood, let me know! Maybe we could go to a Jackhammer's game!

5/13/2005 12:11:00 PM  

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