Sexy Jammies

So, last night was a bit like Old Home Night here in Nashville. Miss J., the Divine Ms. B. (and her beautiful glasses), their sister the Queen (how I wish I had made that nickname up for her, but everyone who meets her seems to automatically know to call her that), and their mom, the Jenny of Gin Jenny fame were all in town and I went with them and their assorted hangers-on to a Nashville Sounds game, the Sounds being our minor league baseball team. The Queen scored us some great seats right behind the dugout and it was dollar beer night and the weather was beautiful, so it was pretty awesome, even though the Sounds lost. Here were two hilarious things: 1. As we were leaving, the Queen procured a paper toilet-seat cover and put it around her head and men started coming up to her asking if she was getting married and wanting to hug her. Men of America, do y'all not have toilet seat covers in your bathrooms? If you knew it was a toilet seat cover, would you still think she was hot or would you think she'd lost her mind? So, I couldn't decide which was funnier, the Queen's use of bathroom accoutrements or the fact that so many people saw something white on her head an assumed it was a veil. 2. The Divine Ms. B.'s boyfriend was not present, so in the sixth inning she called him and we sang him that song from Hee Haw "Where, oh where, are you tonight? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over and thought I found true love. You met another and pbthbthpth you were gone." Now, singing songs from Hee Haw in a town that's still afraid that America thinks of it as the redneck capitol of the universe when it really wants to be seems as a haven for healthcare and publishing millionaires is taking your life into your own hands. Are you poking fun or not? Well, Nashville, I can't stop you from being uneasy about your cultural contribution, but I can tell you that song kicks ass, so go ahead and sign along. Miss J. and I both love baseball and though the Queen's boyfriend thinks baseball's attraction is that the players make the game look so effortless, he is wrong--it's how fine anyone on the field looks. Miss J. and I could not get over the amount of crotch adjusting. Now, I know that having a big piece of plastic in your pants can be uncomfortable, but the unintended side effect is that many of us are sitting in the stands also thinking about what's in your pants. Miss J. summed up the aesthetic: it's a bunch of men running around in sexy jammies.