Wednesday, June 15, 2005

In Which I Admit a Deep, Dark Secret

So, I'm supposed to have lunch with Brittney from Nashville is Talking on Friday and I'm nervous as hell. I've never met someone who only knows me through Tiny Cat Pants. The Shill does my stunts--she ran my half-marathon and she met Peg. The Shill is funny and charming and hot; she is welcome to continue to be my public presence. I am awkward and unbalanced and probably have a booger hanging out my nose, right now, that I haven't noticed. All I have going for me is that my hair smells very good. Yes, it's ridiculous to be nervous. I have lunch with people for a living. None of them have ever run screaming from the table. But also, none of them had an image of me that they developed from reading me. I just don't want Brittney to meet me and have lunch and go back to the office and say, "Channel 2, Aunt B. is so not as cool as I thought she was. In fact, I'm pretty sure children run screaming from her. Plus, I think she had some Milky Way stuck to her ass." In order to feel less nervous about the meeting, I've been working on a series of questions to ask her. Here's what I've got so far. 1. I get the impression that most Nashville bloggers know each other. Is this accurate? Are you having get-togethers and not inviting me? Is that because you like to sit around and make fun of me? Are these meetings at Mr. Roboto's place? Is he hot? 2. You give me a lot of good press. Someone (cough, cough...Jon Jackson) has suggested that this may be because you are me. For the record, are you me? 3. I noticed that, until recently, you never mentioned Jackson's blog, Crap & Drivel. Is this an effort to keep people from reading "his" blog and discovering the truth? In other words, are you, Brittney, also Jon Jackson? 4. In an actual physical fight between Pith in the Wind and Brad About You, who do you think would win? I know Pith in the Wind has a lot of contributors, but I think Brad could call on a shit-load of publicists in town to help him, so it'd be pretty even, numbers-wise. So, that's what I've got so far. I'm open to more suggestions, though, and I'll let you know what I find out.


Blogger the Professor said...

Okay, I know I promised to check out your ass for Milky Way smears but never did. But must you keep bringing it up knowing that I will continue to feel guilty about it?

Does this mean that I also have to check out Brittany's and Jon's asses for Milky Way parts, in case you are all the same person?

6/15/2005 12:43:00 PM  
Blogger Sarah Bott said...

Oh stop worrying!!!! Have a drink or three before the meeting! Don't wear white pants and the Milky Way won't even show!

6/15/2005 01:01:00 PM  
Blogger Yankee, Transferred said...

I know you'll have fun. Fear not!

6/15/2005 02:36:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will be going over your questions before Friday.

Did Jon Jackson really say that? Where?

By the way, where would you like to go for lunch Friday?

6/15/2005 03:05:00 PM  
Blogger twila said...

God, you are so funny. You really crack me up. And to top it off your hair smells good. No worries.

6/15/2005 04:28:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Prof, have I just given you an excuse to check out many a Nashville ass? You're very welcome.

Brittney, Jon emailed me about it. Hmm. Which I guess you would have known if you were him.

As for lunch, I'm game for just about anything. Maybe something that doesn't allow cameras. How's a girl supposed to maintain her secret identity if you're running around taking pictures of her?

Is there someplace you really like?

6/15/2005 05:19:00 PM  
Blogger Mr. Roboto said...

You all can have lunch at my place, where me and the rest of the bloggers brainstorm on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. Yes, we all know each other, but we've asked Brittney to have lunch with you to see if we should like you.

No pressure.

6/15/2005 05:51:00 PM  
Blogger Sarah Bott said...

What about the place with the no-longer Patio Burger?

6/15/2005 07:26:00 PM  
Blogger Sarah Bott said...

What about the place with the no-longer Patio Burger?

6/15/2005 07:27:00 PM  
Blogger Sarah Bott said...

twinkletoes dropped her mouse and double posted. Um, time to lay off the, er, um, sorry.....

6/15/2005 07:28:00 PM  
Blogger tls said...

I am honored to serve as your public persona. Professor -- will you also check my behind for errrant candy? If I were in town, I would have lunch with Brittney for you. And you could sit a few booths/tables away and spy on us. I envision some sort of microphone and earpiece setup where you fed me hilarious lines but it doesn't work perfectly so Brittney gets suspicious. And then, for the next lunch with a blogging type, you could send the Professor, or Super Genius, or maybe even LE! And thus you become a Nashville legend.

My hair would probably give us away though.

6/16/2005 07:41:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Oh my god! I love the idea of you having lunch with Brittney and me sitting in the next booth, hiding behind my menu.

Over at Rex L. Camino's blog (Rex is my new TV boyfriend, even though he's not on TV. Yes, I demoted Dan Abrams for a man who doesn't even have an MSNBC show--but they'll give a show to just about anyone...Tucker I'm sure Rex will have one soon enough.) he has a hilarious interview with Toby Keith and he uses a cardboard cut out.

So, FedEx me a cardboard cut-out of you, and we'll be all set.

6/16/2005 08:39:00 AM  

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