In Which I Admit a Deep, Dark Secret

So, I'm supposed to have lunch with Brittney from Nashville is Talking on Friday and I'm nervous as hell. I've never met someone who only knows me through Tiny Cat Pants. The Shill does my stunts--she ran my half-marathon and she met Peg. The Shill is funny and charming and hot; she is welcome to continue to be my public presence. I am awkward and unbalanced and probably have a booger hanging out my nose, right now, that I haven't noticed. All I have going for me is that my hair smells very good. Yes, it's ridiculous to be nervous. I have lunch with people for a living. None of them have ever run screaming from the table. But also, none of them had an image of me that they developed from reading me. I just don't want Brittney to meet me and have lunch and go back to the office and say, "Channel 2, Aunt B. is so not as cool as I thought she was. In fact, I'm pretty sure children run screaming from her. Plus, I think she had some Milky Way stuck to her ass." In order to feel less nervous about the meeting, I've been working on a series of questions to ask her. Here's what I've got so far. 1. I get the impression that most Nashville bloggers know each other. Is this accurate? Are you having get-togethers and not inviting me? Is that because you like to sit around and make fun of me? Are these meetings at Mr. Roboto's place? Is he hot? 2. You give me a lot of good press. Someone (cough, cough...Jon Jackson) has suggested that this may be because you are me. For the record, are you me? 3. I noticed that, until recently, you never mentioned Jackson's blog, Crap & Drivel. Is this an effort to keep people from reading "his" blog and discovering the truth? In other words, are you, Brittney, also Jon Jackson? 4. In an actual physical fight between Pith in the Wind and Brad About You, who do you think would win? I know Pith in the Wind has a lot of contributors, but I think Brad could call on a shit-load of publicists in town to help him, so it'd be pretty even, numbers-wise. So, that's what I've got so far. I'm open to more suggestions, though, and I'll let you know what I find out.