Sunday, July 31, 2005

Animals

1. "Look around nature. You don't see any ugly tigers. You know what that means? Everyone can get laid."--The recalcitrant brother. No, I don't know what tigers have to do with it, but I'm sure there's some wisdom in that nugget. 2. I'm a little jealous of people who look like their pets. After all, Mrs. Wigglebottom is long and lean and sleek and cute. I am neither lean nor sleek, though I think I'm cute, in my own way. But today, the Professor said that I was just like Mrs. Wigglebottom, that I get a hold of something--like Mrs. Wigglebottom gets a hold of her slimy orange conk--and shake it and prod it and nibble away at it until I have everything out of it. I think the Professor was likening herself to the chew toy, which I don't know if I agree with, but it made me happy to think that I do bear some resemblance to that happy girl curled up at my feet. 3. Finally everyone is gone. The recalcitrant brother is gone. The parents are gone. The Butcher is at work. I am crying. Not because I'm lonely or sad, but because this fucking ape that carries my brain around in its head has had enough. It is tired and worn out and is lonesome* in a way that being around other people only exacerbates. Actually, it's this, that my body cries without me, that is the thing about it that annoys me most. Sometimes, even hippy liberals need to be righteously angry and put the fear of god into folks, but just when I'm like "Oh, you rotten motherfucker, prepare to feel the full force of my wrath," I realize I'm crying. I'm not even sad. I'm pissed off. I want to yell and scream. I want to make my point in bold and daring ways, but there they are, those tears that say "Don't take me seriously. I'm just an emotional girl." Ah, well, what can you do? *I think it's obvious to anyone who stops to think about it that lonely and lonesome are two different things. Lonely is cured by calling a friend or something. Lonesome is cured by... what... I don't know. Lonesome is an existential problem.

3 Comments:

Blogger Ryan said...

*"I think it's obvious to anyone who stops to think about it that lonely and lonesome are two different things. Lonely is cured by calling a friend or something. Lonesome is cured by... what... I don't know. Lonesome is an existential problem."

Brilliantly put. I would suggest that we should never be ashamed of our tears--but that would make me a hypocrite.

Best,
R

7/31/2005 03:23:00 PM  
Blogger melusina said...

Maybe some tigers are ugly to other tigers. We have no way of knowing. Its the same way all babies look beautiful to us. Ok, most babies.

Lonesome IS an existential problem, and it certainly has nothing to do with being lonely. I can be lonesome with a ton of people in the room with me. It is a state of being, a reflexive mood. A cathartic mood, sometimes.

7/31/2005 03:49:00 PM  
Blogger Twyla said...

Yeah, I hate it when I cry when I don't want to. (which is almost every time I cry, actually) I guess we can only hold so much of an emotion, be it sorrow, anger, love, etc...then it has to leak out of our face. At least excess emotion doesn't make us leak in other ways. It would suck to puke every time I was overwrought.

7/31/2005 04:20:00 PM  

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