Saturday, July 09, 2005

My Grandma Visits WKRN

Today, I spent the afternoon at WKRN, Channel 2. This was after I almost accidentally picked up a hooker and before I paid ten fucking dollars for four and a half gallons of gas. How is it possible, America, that we should invade and conquer an oil-rich nation and I'm paying $2.16 for a gallon of gas? Why the hell would we conquer an oil-rich nation under false pretenses if not to have some fucking cheap gas? Seriously, pragmatically, you want to see people suddenly be okay about the war in Iraq, start having $.97 gas and most of America will not give a shit about weapons of mass destruction. Karl Rove, you're supposed to be some evil genius. Get me some cheap gas. Anyway, so I'm at WKRN to learn all about how to be a better vernacular news gatherer. Here are the notes I took from the afternoon:
  • The handicapped stall is the first one in the women's bathroom. What a genius idea! Why isn't it like that every place?
  • "The liberating power of self-expression."
  • Hmm... news as reflection of the community. Do I buy that?
  • Don't underestimate ambient sound.
  • Count to ten for each shot & it seems to give the eye a chance to comprehend it.
  • Don't look with the camera.
  • Keep the camera on your shot while you look for the next one.
  • Remember that your eye sees things static, from scenario to scenario.

[These notes are even funnier when you realize that I don't own a camera. They are completely inapplicable to me and yet, I still took them. I am a giant nerd.]

  • Thanks to WKRN, I have discovered that I look exactly like my grandma.
  • Tim Morgan is a cutie.

Yes, let's spend a moment on these two. I was sitting there innocently trying to maintain my anonymity when, as they were discussing how to frame shots, they turned the camera towards all us Nashville bloggers and there was Brittney and Blake and Rex Hammock and all these folks and nestled in among them was my grandma D.

Yep, same big round features, same tendency to rest her hands on her boobs for no reason, same flighty way of holding her fingers out at the ends of her arms like little 4th of July sparklers waving in the evening breeze, same laugh same smile, same everything.

And it was me! Christ Jesus. I could not look any more like my grandma if I dressed only in her clothes.

How bad was it? How quickly am I becoming an 85 year old woman?

I spent the afternoon thinking--That Tim Morgan, he's so cute and delightfully funny. I think I'll set him up with one of my granddaughters.


Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

What about almost picking up a hooker?

7/09/2005 10:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I doubt you look a bit like your grandma. although I haven't seen your grandma. It was great meeting you today. It was very interesting to say the least.

7/09/2005 10:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't get to go today, I'm glad you took notes. Did you at least get the AARP discount for the class?

7/09/2005 11:29:00 PM  
Blogger Paul Chenoweth said...

You should have stayed for the promotional video stuff that happened afterward..."Tim's dog has a webcam". And next time, you need to armed with a camera so we can meet the hooker!! *grin*

It was great to meet you!

7/10/2005 07:31:00 AM  
Blogger melusina said...

Yea, you didn't explain the hooker!

At least you don't look like your GREAT grandmother.

7/10/2005 09:14:00 AM  
Blogger Steve Pick said...

$2.17 a gallon? Where'd you get something that cheap? I just filled up this morning at $2.29 a gallon.

I'm soooo jealous!

7/10/2005 09:51:00 AM  
Blogger the Professor said...

Since I suggest everyone have at least 14 lovers, I offer the following: So if you are in fact you and not your grandmother, then wanting to set up your granddaugther with Tim Morgan means setting yourself up with him.

7/10/2005 12:53:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Dear Professor, I'm not sure I follow your train of thought, exactly. Am I my grandmother or is she me?

Either way, we're both single, so it really just depends on whether you'd like to meet a nice 85 year old who looks 30 or a nice 30 year old who looks 85. Or maybe both of us?

7/10/2005 01:00:00 PM  
Blogger Tim Morgan said...

Me? I'm my own grandpa.

7/10/2005 01:26:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

You are hilarious! I can't wait to see you on WKRN.

7/10/2005 01:31:00 PM  
Blogger the Professor said...

Didn't you learn about enthymemes? The suppressed premise of my argument is the content of the post - that you are you grandmother! So, being both you and your grandmother, I thought, implied that trying to set up your graddaughter meant setting up yourself. Of course, Tim's way to be both yourself and your grandmother is fun too.

7/10/2005 02:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Also being slightly nerdy, I take it as a sign that you had fun if you have notes that don't appear to be useful. :)


P.S. 2.17? The cheap place that's out of the way and swarmed with cars is 2.30. Everywhere else is about 2.40. And we live at the frontier of non-suburbia where everything is cheaper in our area.

7/11/2005 09:07:00 AM  

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