Monday, August 08, 2005

Hold that door, you sexy thing, you.

The Shill is apparently trying to kill me off by sending me a link to this article at CNN.com which asks the ever-pressing question "Does It Pay to Be a Flirt?" and sends me into an uncontrollable rage. The article raises more questions than it answers. Here are the questions I have. Did all of the respondents work at the same place? If not, how can we be sure that we're actually seeing cause and effect? What I mean is that I'd like to know how the study concludes that women who flirt are paid less because they flirt, and not that they are flirting because they're in a situation where they see no other way to get ahead. Let's look at this in a hypothetical. Suppose I worked in a really great office where my contributions were acknowledged, appreciated, and rewarded. If I wanted to advance in my career, I would know what was expected of me and work hard to do it. I wouldn't ever need to flirt or even consider flirting in order to get noticed, because I'd know my ingenuity was prized, not my body. But say I worked at an office where I worked hard and well, but didn't seem to be getting ahead as quickly as my male colleagues. Say I tried working longer hours and drawing attention to my accomplishments and still nothing, that the corporate culture was just such that I felt like it was already sexist-ly stacked against me. If I feel like my legitimate accomplishments can't be recognized just because I'm a woman, might I eventually feel that exerting my sexuality might give me some control over the situation? I think a lot of women, especially pretty women, feel a lot of power in their own sexuality. It therefore would not surprise me to learn that, when faced with a power structure that seems inhospitable to them, that they would attempt to change the paradigm in which they're operating back to one they feel more in control of. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying that it seems to me that this phenomenon is much more complex than the simple "See, sluts get punished in all sorts of ways, even economically, so don't be a slut" message of this article. Plus, don't even get me started on the difference between sending flirty emails and wearing revealing clothing and letting someone open a door for you. Okay, I am started, so I'm just going to point out that it's a subtle but effective rhetorical strategy to start out blaming women for the necessity of punishing their slutty behavior and then to shift to blaming women for failing to control the behavior of the men around them. Tulane professor Arthur Brief says that "the study suggest that women should be careful about letting men open doors or lift boxes that aren't particularly heavy, because chivalry is 'benevolent sexism.'" Brief, excuse me, but what the fuck? No, we actually don't know what the fuck your study suggests because it's unclear what type of workplaces these women are in. But even if we concede that it might show some correlation between women's slutty behavior and the amount of money they earn, I don't believe that has much to do at all with suggesting that women stop "letting" men do shit for them. Plus, if the whole corporate culture is one where men open doors for women, lift their boxes, and women repay them with provocative behavior and less of a drain on the payroll budget, I don't really see anything "benevolent" about it at all.

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think I'll refrain from making my original comment, just in case it's childishly sexist. But I will say I think your discussion was better than the MSN article. The original study would probably make for interesting reading.

W

8/08/2005 12:01:00 PM  
Blogger twila said...

I agree, your discussion was way better. Plus, I love it when you get all riled up! And, that article pissed me off, too, although I couldn't have articulated it like you have.

8/08/2005 12:28:00 PM  
Blogger tls said...

I would just like you all to know that I send these articles to Aunt B in the hopes she gets a good post out of them. (In case y'all were thinking I needed to change my name the Corporate Flirt.)

Generally, when I read these articles my jaw hits the floor and I'm rendered speechless with rage. It passes, because I've got shit to do, but I'm always flabbergasted at the crap that passes for news.

And if women don't let guys get the door for them... they get grief as well -- we can't win! Here's how I handle it: if I'm heading towards the door, and I'm ahead of my male colleagues, I open the door, and offer to hold it open for them. If they are ahead of me, they will do the same. They will frequently take over the door holding and gesture me to go ahead of them. Other times they do not. At no point is this considered FLIRTING - it's considered common fucking courtesy.

Social mores have shifted over the years, but I've found that if I abide by common fucking courtesy (common courtesy not being enough) these things generally sort themselves out with no ill effects.

The interesting thing in your post, Aunt B, is that in your scenarios the woman is always hard-working. Even the clueless ranks of middle management (myself included) need to get some work done -- I need hard working flirts on my team (I almost wrote staff instead of team -- dick jokes are always funny!)

I've got a meeting with my boss this afternoon, I shall bat my eyes and ask for a raise. I'll let you all know how it goes.

8/08/2005 02:58:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe the women who feel the need to flirt to get ahead are not as capable or smart or whatever as those who do not flirt. Maybe the men with whom they flirt realize that they are not as smart/capable as those who do not and therefore do not reward them with raises or promotions to which they are not entitled.

But what do I know, I am the biggest flirt in our office, but then again, I work with a bunch of ugmos and the world is better off that they not flirt.

LE

8/08/2005 03:33:00 PM  
Blogger tls said...

LE -- I've seen you flirt and I'm sorta embarrassed for you. And myself.

Outside of your admission that you're a flirt at the office (and readers, he's flirting with the secretarial staff not the female attorneys and they don't really impact his salary and that could be a subject for ANOTHER post) why is at always assumed that it's women flirting with men?

Granted, the higher ranked executive women around here don't seem easy to flirt with (not that I've really tried), but at the PR agency where I used to work, the younger guys flirted with the account managers all the time. Especially if the account managers were over 30 and single.

I feel like we're on the table talk section of Salon: What do you think, readers -- is it ever okay to flirt at the office? Is there such a thing as harmless flirting?

I know we're off topic, but it's not like Mr. Brief (surely a comment on his sexual prowess) needs more attention given to his stupid study.

8/08/2005 05:15:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe you should re-read the article. His study discussed only women mbas flirting. whether flirting helps men advance up the corporate latter is a study for another day.

Also the flirting that you are subjected to (which I admit are not even mature enough to be labeled sophmoric) is entirely different than my "professional" flirtations. Furthermore, may ability, or inability as the case may be, to get assistance from the administrative staff directly effects my performance thereby effecting my advancement. So I guess, sometimes its necessary to flirt downwards to move upwards.

LE

8/08/2005 05:39:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

First of all, I'm both flattered and disappointed at the restraint shown by Taketoshi and W. If I can't count on you guys for childish sexism, who can I count on?

Second, the LE is cute in his own way. Or at least he was, back in the day, with his scraggly D&D look. So, I imagine his awkward flirting might be somewhat effective.

And fair enough in your interpretation that the flirty women could already suck and that already be apparent to their bosses. Again, I just don't think we have enough information about the study to really be able to tell anything other than that Mr. Brief has a most unfortunate name. (Hilarious comment, Shill.)

I hope there's such a thing as harmless flirting because, with the exception of my boss, I love to flirt with everyone--the cute guy from IT, the FedEx dudes, the surly Frenchmen, etc. Since I'm so awkward with the fellas in all other matters, flirting is pretty much the only skill I've got.

8/08/2005 06:19:00 PM  

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