Sunday, August 07, 2005

I Blame The Butcher and Rex L. Camino

I blame the Butcher and Rex L. Camino for my wasted weekend. The Butcher is to blame for making me stupider by watching Alexander. Seriously, it's as if everyone watched hours of old Dracula movies before saying their lines. It could not be any more ridiculous. Plus, there's the problem of the enormous armies. The armies seem to be made up of millions of people. It's like the whole population of the earth at that time going to war. Now, clearly this is spectacular to view, but seems like it surely must be ahistorical. So, as the crappy dialog and shoddy directing swirl about my television screen, I grow stupider by the minute. Soon, I will be unable to remember why it's strange that people who are supposedly all from the same family have such widely differing accents. I will slip into a coma of stupidity soon, I fear. Then there's the fact that I'm only on dial-up and Rex L. Camino has led his readers (of which I am one) to a treasure trove of old blues. It seems to take about a half an hour to download each one, during which, of course, I cannot clean my tub or do the dishes, because I must monitor how much longer I have until I can hear, say, "When the Levee Breaks." Which makes me hopeful that, while I'm in my coma of stupidity, I'll at least have a good soundtrack running through my rotted brain.

6 Comments:

Blogger melusina said...

I have not yet seen Alexander. Judging by the reaction of the Greek audience when it was released, I'm probably better off not watching it. Considering Stone thinks Braveheart was set in "ancient times" I think I am not surprised that he botched Alexander.

I couldn't watch Troy either, because everything I heard about it was completely wrong. If I ever happen to be teaching the Iliad, I will sure as shootin' know if a kid watched the movie rather than read it.

And I am on dialup too. I have to watch my slow downloads. It is such a waste of time.

8/07/2005 02:09:00 PM  
Blogger Twyla said...

I skipped Alexander, even with my Jolie-crush, because every single (thinking) person who has seen it bashes it.

8/07/2005 02:27:00 PM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

It should make you feel better to know that I am also on dial-up, and must therefore endure the very same excruciatingly slow downloads that I subject others to. It is only fair.

8/07/2005 03:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I keep seeing the commercial for that DVD on the teevee; and I have to laff when they say, "Sets history ablaze!"

I'm sure it does.

Elias

8/07/2005 06:38:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

It's really like the movie hurries through the good stuff in order to get to the boring drawn out parts. I mean, you spend three hours getting to India and then Alexander dies almost as an afterthought.

Rex, I'm totally digging all the stuff I downloaded from there, so I owe you one for sure. It's great.

8/07/2005 06:51:00 PM  
Blogger Steve Pick said...

See, I read the blog from top to bottom, so now I know where the blues downloads were found. I'm so going there next.

I never saw Alexander, but I did see Troy. In fact, I saw Troy at the drive -in last year on a double bill with New York Minute (which is truly an unheralded masterpiece, and reminds me of a Harold Lloyd picture more than anything else.) As for Troy, yuck!

I'm all in favor of putting pretty people in scanty clothes on the big screen, but after that, I'd just as soon have a little bit of sense applied to telling a story.

8/08/2005 10:05:00 AM  

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