Monday, August 22, 2005

Parental Idiocy

Unfortunately my cousin's wedding is becoming the biggest source of drama in my life after the Butcher's vehicle woes. For some reason, the wedding festivities are now stretched out over three days and I've had to enter into tense negotiations with my father about what to do with the dog. My dad wants me to leave the dog with the Professor, who, as you may recall, he and my mother had been telling people was my life partner until I discovered it and we had a big fight about it when they were down here last. Considering how homophobic my parents are, I was shocked and surprised that they would be as okay as they were with the idea that the Professor and I were a couple, but now I see that it was just a manifestation of their dream to have one more woman in the world who could take care of the people in our family. Yes, apparently selfishness trumps hate, at least in my family. I wonder if this might be the basis for a successful public service campaign from PFLAG or some such group. Imagine a television spot where a cranky old guy struggles with some boxes. His son says, "Dad, let Dan and I help." The cranky old homophobe scowls, but looks at Dan, sees that he has two arms and a sturdy back, and acquiesces. Then there could be some slogan at the end like "If you're nice to your gay children, they might make their lovers do stuff for you."

9 Comments:

Anonymous peripateticpolarbear said...

I'm sorry but I'm still giggling over the closing line.

8/22/2005 06:51:00 PM  
Blogger Cindy St. Onge said...

Oh god this is funny! I love it, love it, love it!

8/22/2005 07:42:00 PM  
Anonymous shug said...

I must agree the last line was very funny.... I could really see that picture!! I did not realize the parents were so homophobic?!?

8/22/2005 10:18:00 PM  
Blogger Twyla said...

Ha! So funny...and yet kind of sad in a way, too. What is it with families? Why can't they just shape up and fly right already?

Oh, and I'm terribly upset to hear that you chose another woman over me. Of course, you've never met me, but take my word for it - I'm amazing! :)

8/22/2005 10:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you really think you could do better than the professor?? The odds go down even more if you limit yourself to men.

W

8/22/2005 11:01:00 PM  
Blogger Twyla said...

Oh hell no, I wouldn't even try to out do the proffesor. I was going for the pity angle.

8/23/2005 12:58:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Ha, the next time they're down, I should have the Professor show up with some assortment of her 57 lovers. That would really throw them for a loop.

W., you're not one of the 57, are you? Something about your tone suddenly made me suspicious.

Twyla, you only say that because I think you're brilliant.

Shug, they're homophobic in the "things that are different frighten us" way, not in the "we will set out to destroy the things that frighten us" way. Neither is pleasant, but one can be changed, I think.

And I often say to them, when they say something assinine, "you love Shug, don't you? Don't you want Shug to be safe and happy in the world?"

And, of course, they always say "yes," because they do.

8/23/2005 08:44:00 AM  
Blogger the Professor said...

Flattery will get you everywhere! Since 57 is a better number to toss around and sing along to, I would be willing to get rid of one of mine to make room for one of you.

But even when you said something yesterday afternoon, Aunt B., I didn't know that your mom had really dreamed up a whole relationship and was telling people. I just thought it was the same old hinting. You're going to have to tell me all about it.

Yeah, next time their down here I'll bring over the two men I shared my bed with last night. That will send them spinning.

8/23/2005 10:23:00 AM  
Blogger Yankee T said...

Aunt B! How often you make me spit out my water at work! Shame on you...

8/23/2005 12:03:00 PM  

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