Back from Lunch Early

The guy down the hall took me to Ted's for lunch. As always, I'm up for some large game animal in patty form. But we got back early and now the office seems to be channeling Peg. Some folks are walking around barefoot. I'm trying to convince my boobs to be cuter--perkier, less excited about seeing what my knees are up to. Someone is singing and someone else is fighting with UPS. Now, the police are here*. But the most important thing is that this marks the second opportunity today I've had to drive my car. Oh, car, how I've missed you and that feeling of freedom you give me, even when you only have a quarter of a tank of gas. *Apparently there's some law about whipping out and lecturing your tits in public... No, I kid, the police are here on a totally benign mission. Though the whole thing reminds me of an important lesson I learned at the Tin Roof one evening right after it first opened: Just because there are two bachelorette parties getting drunk some place, that's no guarantee that the man in a police uniform who comes up to one of their tables is a stripper and no matter how drunk you and your cousin are, the two of you should not try to unbutton his shirt.