Monday, September 12, 2005

Like Diamonds, Like Ten Thousand Jewels in the Sky

I'm leaving y'all next week. I'm going to the mountains to see what I can see. JR and Elias are going to drive me around and show me elk and reindeer and assorted other beautiful things. Some guy I don't know is taking me for a long walk on Monday and I'm going to rent a car for the first time in my life. It was a mere seven years ago that I took my first plane ride--a trip to Boston to see a kind boy who smoked and smelled dark and woodsy and drank too much and didn't quite know what to do with me. While he looked on in amusement, I called the Butcher from a pay phone outside Fenway Stadium because I knew no one else would understand what it meant for me to be there at that moment, to know for sure that Fenway Stadium was a real place. I'll be honest with you. I was embarrassed when Sarcastro brought up Pad Thai and I didn't know what it was. And along those lines, I'm already fretting about having to go to the counter at the rental place and doing this very ordinary thing that people do all the time that I've never done before--get a car. When I first got to grad school, when I first had my own apartment, I would sometimes worry that I was going to be found out. I was having such an awesome time, living on my own in the big city, making friends, hanging out in cafes and pubs, reading important books, and making myself acquainted with unseemly German philosophers. Like all grad students, we'd get drunk and stay up late trying to solve all the world's problems. It was amazing, and I was constantly afraid of being sent home. That someone finally would say "You don't belong here. You aren't one of us." and send me on my way. Eventually, it sunk in that no one was going to send me back to Illinois. I was free to make my way in the world. Still, sometimes, when I'm confronted by the fact there are a range of ordinary experiences that most people can draw on--they rented a car or they've been to a Thai restaurant before or whatever--and I'm all like "What do I do next? Where do I go? What do I sign? How do I work this?" I feel that same feeling--that anxiety that wells up and almost overwhelms me, followed shortly thereafter by a good deep laugh at my own self. I'm considering getting a t-shirt that says, "Sorry, I don't get out much."

30 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I really want to make fun of you right now. Something about "book smart, but street dumb". Can't form coherent thoughts. Laughing too hard, that someone with so may opinions about life and existence hasn't had a not-even-wide range of ordinary experiences. But I will refrain from such gloating.

There is a snotty comment about how liberals know about life from reading about it in books, and not living it, welling up inside, but I can't bring myself to make such a comment, right now.

When you get back, the Pad Thai is on me. And by that I mean, "I'll buy", not "I'll wear".

9/12/2005 07:13:00 PM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

Why do I have the feeling that B might just be leaving town on a murder rap after this?

Though I would have to agree...kind of difficult to have fully formed opinions if you've only seen one part of the elephant.

9/12/2005 07:19:00 PM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

Sorry. Realised that came off more glib than I wanted.

Basically, this is interesting to me in light of the conversations we've had about individuals vs. the collective. I don't want to be knee-jerk in my reactions here, but it does seem like many of the people I meet who favour government as a solution and collectivism versus individualism have not had much experience of either. I know that sounds insulting. I'm sorry...I'm not trying to be rude or obtuse.

I'm flashing back to our conversations about how to handle poverty in America, for instance. I'm thinking that the difference in approach may be just as much idealism vs. pragmatism, and maybe having had a few more turns around the block just makes someone a more pragmatic individual.

I know that I stopped being pro-collectivism after a few trips following The Dead. Sure everyone wants it to be about pot smoking and love and free food. But there's always someone who's got to earn the money to buy the food, wash the clothes, etc. The first few weeks it's all love and music. After that it's selling knitted goods and vegetarian chili in venue parking lots so that you and 6 other people can go to Sizzler and the Laundromat. Great life for the other 6, sucks for the one doing all the work.

9/12/2005 07:30:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For someone so anti-collective, Kitty, you sure like throwing the Borg references around. By the way, you and I are assimilating B in the most insidious ways. Within a month, we'll be running this blog.

I spent a long weekend with the Dead and their community. A team of economists should follow that caravan around for a while. It was the most fascinating ant farm I've ever watched. My favorite pastime was imagining that everyone on Earth dropped dead, except for the people in the venue parking lot selling falafel, veggie burritos and drugs. What sort of society would emerge?

9/12/2005 07:43:00 PM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

I aim to have the first ever anti-collective Hive Mind. Just imagine the self-loathing it would inflict on the drones.

I firmly believe that any post-apocalyptic society comprised solely of DeadHeads would self-destruct within 6 weeks. The demand for woodburned door signs with WALSTIB on them is very very limited.

9/12/2005 07:49:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I fear the tie-dyed survivors would go up to the irridiated mutant creatures of the post-apocalypse and ask, "Are you kind? I need a miracle." Then, they would be devoured by the non-falafel eating zombies.

9/12/2005 07:57:00 PM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

Who would then be so stoned from the pot-saturated tie-dyed snacklets that they would fail to have any further ambitions about conquering other worlds, thus ending the total destruction of the universe full-stop while at the same time fulfilling the dream of every hippie everywhere to be instrumental in ending war.

9/12/2005 08:05:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

MMMmmm. I am totally loving this thread. Not for now, mind you. Except for the free food (Will there be wine as well? I hope so.), there's nothing immediately satisfying about this thread.

It's like a little piece of grit, that irritates the inside of a clam, only to release its precious treasure at some later date.

When will I really appreciate this thread? (Let me pause again to slowly touch myself in utter delight...)

Ah, yes, it will be that sweet, sweet moment when one of you says something about the condescending ways of the liberal elite and I will say "Remember that time when you came to Tiny Cat Pants and patronized the hell out of me? Isn't it funny how the minute someone gets a little something they can lord over someone else, they take it? If even you couldn't resist it, how can you not understand it in others?"

Gloat away, my libertarian friends. I come from a long line of long-lived women; I'm younger than you; and I can wait a long time to have my revenge.

9/12/2005 08:34:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Fenway STADIUM?? No such thing exists. It's Fenway Park. For your sake, I hope you didn't toddle around Boston calling it Fenway Stadium to the locals. But I imagine if you had, you'd well remember it and you wouldn't now be calling it Fenway Stadium. Didn't the Butcher help you out?

9/12/2005 08:47:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Ted, I was watching a tall dude with a goofy grin and big old dimples shuffle around the public gardens. If the Butcher corrected me, I don't remember. I was distracted.

9/12/2005 08:51:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't get yer frith in a froth.

9/12/2005 08:53:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Though it may surprise some of you Libertarian Elite (woo, it's going to be a long time before that stops being funny), revenge is a perfectly fine form of self-expression. Think of Sigrid Tostadottir killing off her suitor because he demanded she convert to Christianity and he gave her crappy jewelry.

9/12/2005 08:58:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you ever see the Cubs in Chicago, it will be in Wrigley Field. And the Yankees venue is Yankee Stadium. If the Butcher isn't going to help you out with these things, I will. :)

9/12/2005 09:02:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sigrid Tostadottir? Was she in ABBA?

9/12/2005 09:04:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Don't worry, Ted, I might be a godless commie feminist liberal heathen, but a girl doesn't forget something like Mark Grace strolling out to first base like Achilles in the early days of the war, all self-confidence and invincibility. I don't know much about baseball, but I know it's Wrigley Field and I know there was no better time for women and baseball than when both Mark and Ryne were in the infield.

S., I'm pretty sure all Swedes are honorary members of ABBA.

9/12/2005 09:08:00 PM  
Blogger bridgett said...

Aunt B, I don't know quite what to say about all that above...but since you know these folks in realtime and they sustain you and are sustained by you, maybe this conversation has nuances and resonances with other similar talks that a merely digital acquaintance doesn't quite appreciate.

I, too, am one of those sorts of people who borrowed a cell phone last month and had to be shown how to use it. Let the japing commence. No reason to leave our host feeling like the only dumbass in the room.

9/12/2005 09:15:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it's like that for everyone. Some people just hide it better than others.

Hence my favorite quote in the world: "What we honor as prudence in our elders is simply panic in action."

9/12/2005 09:25:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it's like that for everyone. Some people just hide it better than others.

Hence my favorite quote in the world: "What we honor as prudence in our elders is simply panic in action."

9/12/2005 09:25:00 PM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

Okay. I give.

What was patronising?

Idealism is not a bad thing.

9/12/2005 09:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't feel bad B. I didn't know what Pad Thai was either. I have rented a car though. It's all good so long as you can prove you're over 25.

I can't really tell how much of the elephant you've seen just from that one post, but at least you'll be able to see more of it on this trip. Just don't get too close when he lifts his tail.

W

9/13/2005 07:00:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Bridgett, it's a little more nuanced than it appears, but not much. I've met them both in person once and I've been teasing Sarcastro for days about being old and he's been suspiciously good-natured about taking it.

Kat, come now, you even said that you knew how suggesting that my background would make it difficult for me to fully form opinions and that I just don't have enough experience yet to see the wisdom in your point of view would come across as insulting.

If you knew there was a chance I would interpret your comments negatively, how can you be surprised when I find the discussion condescending?

Isn't one of the easiest ways to insult someone to patronize them? I mean, how else did you think you might be interpreted as insulting me if not by your dismissal of my opinions because of my class background and life experience?

Anyway, I find it much more funny and enlightening than worth being angry over. So, it's all good.

9/13/2005 07:20:00 AM  
Blogger jo(e) said...

The first time I ever rented a car was last June. I am 44 years old.

And I made two friends come with me. And I made one of them drive almost the whole time.

But it still counts, right?

9/13/2005 07:23:00 AM  
Blogger Poppy said...

I felt much the same way the first time I rented a car 4 years ago. I needed transportation to the shipping dock and then to the airport so I could load up my stuff onto a truck and then get the hell out of Philadelphia.

I spent most of that 24 hours looking over my shoulder, afraid someone would notice that I really wasn't the adult I was pretending to be.

The second time I rented a car, I probably would have been as nervous about it, but I had just gotten up at 2 am to get on a 6am flight to the other side of the country, and didn't get much sleep on the plane. I was too groggy to be nervous. I'm just glad that I wore a t-shirt with "Atlanta" printed across it so that the flight attendants knew where to kick me off of the plane....

9/13/2005 08:58:00 AM  
Blogger melusina said...

Everyone has to experience something for the first time, we all did, we all will continue to experience firsts.

Renting a car is a pragmatic thing, and not something I'd consider life-shattering, unless you proceed to have some crazy, wild adventure in said car. At any rate, the fact that you haven't rented one before simply means you haven't spent way too much money renting an overpriced junker.

At any rate, I will say that life will stop being fun once all the firsts are used up.

9/13/2005 09:01:00 AM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

Kat, come now, you even said that you knew how suggesting that my background would make it difficult for me to fully form opinions and that I just don't have enough experience yet to see the wisdom in your point of view would come across as insulting.

Then I'm sorry. I really am. Didn't mean to be dunning your background and experience. Meant to be having a conversation about points of view. It's not my intention to be insulting and I shouldn't have said anything since I couldn't say it correctly.

9/13/2005 11:30:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Kat, please! Don't think you ought not to say something just because it might be misinterpreted (even by me). As much as I was like "Holy shit, they're totally dissing on me!," I was obviously and remain obviously delighted.

It takes real balls (to slip into some sexist language) to let your guard down enough in front of someone so very different than you and to poke at where they're most vulnerable and trust that they won't be hurt by it.

How'd it go? Eh, not so great. But not too bad, either.

Think of you and I, two people who could not be more different, separated by politics, religion, and our basic beliefs about how people work.

Every communication is potentially fraught with peril, every interaction laced with the uncertainty and mistrust.

And for one evening, you stepped off the platform into midair and twirled around on the thin wire that is me.

I wasn't expecting it and I was taken aback by it, but it was something to watch.

Next time, if you trust me to hold you, I'll trust that you know what you're doing.

And plus, if we're all "Oh, I'm so sorry", "no, no, I'm so sorry," I'm going to feel bad about referring to you and Sarcastro as the Libertarian Elite and I really, really don't want to have to give that phrase up, especially when I've only had the chance to use it once (twice now, counting this).

9/13/2005 12:03:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Never apologize. It's a sign of weakness.

And never get your frith in a froth at the Firth of Forth.

9/13/2005 12:13:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

I believe running a joke into the ground is a sign of weakness as well. I'll let you know how much weaker I feel per use of "Libertarian Elite."

That's three.

Nope, not feeling any weaker yet.

9/13/2005 12:16:00 PM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

I for one love the phrase "Libertarian Elite" because it so perfectly describes the wonder that is me.

See, I'm not trying to apologise for having the discussion. I'm apologising because I didn't mean for the discussion to be a personal insult.

I don't like the personal insult thing. Unless you're a doctor of medicine. In which case...fuck you. No, really. I mean that.

9/13/2005 12:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Libertarian Elite 3
Frith in a Froth 2

That's the boxscore from here at Fenway Park, er, Stadium. Join us tomorrow for another "Who Is Running The Joke In The Ground?"

9/13/2005 05:33:00 PM  

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