Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Phrases that Don't Actually Make Me Feel Safer

1. "Contents are dangerous--Use with care." 2. "Shield face when firing into the wind." 3. "After spraying the attacker, escape immediately and call police. Do not try to capture attacker." 4. "Contains approximately 35 bursts--You may encounter multiple attackers!" Thirty-five bursts worth of multiple attackers? Christ.

11 Comments:

Blogger Bruce said...

if you weren't so vile you could find a man that would willingly protect you.

also, you asked for it that time 10 year old butcher came to your aid.

11/02/2005 04:42:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Bruce, you're currently my only troll and I think it's kind of cute that you called me 'vile,' but I can't help but feel like you might not be very experienced at this.

So, let me give you just two pointers. When trolling someone you should 1.) not use your real name and 2.) check your Blogger profile and make sure nothing there reveals your real name. It's just sloppy.

Brave, which I kind of respect you for, but sloppy.

Unless, of course, that's not your real name...

11/02/2005 05:44:00 PM  
Blogger harvestbird said...

What about going for a lower-budget, longer-lasting version of pepper spray? Spray any would be attacker with air freshener, then sprinkle some ground black pepper on him. The miscellany of fragrances will confuse him and he'll (or she'll) be powerless to advance his attack.

11/02/2005 06:28:00 PM  
Blogger Bruce said...

i think its kind of cute that you think its kind of cute that i called you vile. in other news, men don't date women who carry mace.

11/02/2005 07:37:00 PM  
Blogger bridgett said...

Hey, it's Batman!

It's not the "dating" we're worried about, Mr. Wayne.

11/02/2005 07:57:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bruce, men who don't have masuculinity issues are just fine with women who carry mace.

---- mystery girl

11/02/2005 11:10:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Bruce, considering that your idea of a good time is harrassing women you don't know, consider me relieved that you'd never date me.

Still, the 'vile' tickled me because, if you are who I think you are, you've seen some 'vile' and, wow, I'm in strange company.

11/03/2005 08:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you have 35 multiple attackers, your problem isn't so much the 35 multiple attackers as it is that you have now fallen in to some sort of a martial arts movie.

Multiple Attackers would be an awesome name for a band. They could play at Fat Cooter's Bar.

-SuperGenius

11/03/2005 08:18:00 AM  
Blogger Bruce said...

b-
you have no clue who i am.

11/03/2005 12:18:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

That's too bad. I'd rather be heckled by someone who'd made the cover of Newsweek than just some ordinary shmoe.

11/03/2005 01:52:00 PM  
Blogger Exador said...

For God's sake, buy a gun already! I feel fine saying that because I am WAY out of range.

11/08/2005 04:03:00 PM  

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