Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Scattered Things

1. My dad writes a humorous Christmas letter every year and every year he calls me at work to read it to me. Yesterday afternoon, I got to hear this one. The part about me is devoted to the extraordinarily large afghan I'm making. I wish someone--maybe even me--had thought through the problem with having an afghan over five and a half feet wide back when it was only, say, an inch and a half tall. But now? Now that it's close to five feet tall? I don't need the constructive criticism. 2. So, I finally gave up and switched everything over to the blue coat. And in the process, I found my walking hat, and, stuffed inside the walking hat? Mrs. Wigglebottom's jaunty walking scarf. See, it's finally almost dark again in the mornings when we walk and since I've traded bright orange for dark blue and she's mostly a deep dark brown, I wear a bright orange hat and she wears a bright orange scarf. I think she likes it. Or at least, she doesn't seem to mind. 3. Barista brings us the disturbing story of the suicide of professor from West Point. Bill Hobbs posts about this idiotic idea to wear red on Fridays in support of our troops. No word on how the troops in Iraq will know we're wearing red. Perhaps they will use their psychic abilities. How are these two things related? In this way: Honorable soldiers deserve honorable leaders and they deserve honorable missions. Uncritically supporting whatever this group of dishonorable madmen send our soldiers out to do is not actually supporting our troops. Wearing red, as if to say, "Well, you know, whatever's going on over there is all right with us, because you're doing it and we support you," is asinine. You want to support our troops? Insist that they have honorable leadership. 4. Yes, I know I regularly argue that corruption is just an inescapable byproduct of government. And, yes, I'm regularly baffled by people who seem surprised and outraged by it. I've had this fight very recently with the Butcher. I argue that we can't be surprised by corruption in government because government is, to some extent, immoral and, therefore, the people who govern well cannot help but be tainted, to some extent, by immorality. I'm not saying we have to accept that. Or revel in it. But, my god, we have to stop being surprised by it. And we especially have to stop with this "Well, the President is a good man." Is that man the president? Is government immoral? Then he is not a good man. At least not without a vigilant populous to insist on honorable behavior. 5. Is there a giant bra/purse conspiracy? You know how it is when you are searching for a new purse (or even how it is that you must be out searching for a new purse)? You can't ever get a purse that's exactly right. It's either a little too big or a little too small or it's in a color that you love, but that you know is going right out of style the minute you turn your back. And is it not like that with bras? Are you not out constantly searching for the perfect bra that's going to lift you up and support you and make you feel marvelous (in this way, a good bra resembles a good gospel choir, I think)? And when you find one, do you not buy three? Which, in theory, seems wise. But then, when you wear them for long enough and you begin to realize the flaws in the design, now you have three bras that aren't quite right. The Professor always has very nice looking tits. They sit right up where they should and fabulously peek out of her shirts like flirty movie stars. If this is not a testament to a woman who knows how to bra shop, I just don't know what is. Little does she know, but I'm hauling her ass out to do just that this weekend. I have nice tits. They deserve a bra that makes them look amazing in button-down shirts.

14 Comments:

Blogger the Professor said...

Well, thanks. But I think that should read "sometimes," not "always." And now I have something to look forward to this weekend. Shopping is great when it's for other people. Maybe I'll find an exciting new bra too. I've been having poking wire problems lately.

I've never seen the dog's scarf, and I am upset about that.

11/30/2005 10:05:00 AM  
Blogger rugdesigner said...

When you figure out the bra buying secret, please pass it on. The girls would appreciate it as their current attire is either mostly uncomfortable or nonexistent.

11/30/2005 10:14:00 AM  
Blogger the Professor said...

Wait, no one said that making big tits that want to hang loose cute would also be comfortable. Yet when I compare them to how my feet feel in cute shoes, I think I'm not too bad at bra shopping. It's all about sizing - go ahead and get someone to fit you. You'll be amazed.

11/30/2005 10:22:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Well, if the bra that makes my tits look cute is too uncomfortable, I can always ask some kind gentleman to help me safely remove it...

11/30/2005 10:30:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

... ahem, sorry about that. I am, apparently, fourteen.

11/30/2005 10:36:00 AM  
Blogger John H said...

excuse me..i thought this was a men's changing room..sorry for the intrusion..

I'm glad that there are at least two problems I'll never have to worry about.

11/30/2005 11:22:00 AM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

This is why I never wear a bra unless I'm going to Church or to meet other bloggers at a public place.

11/30/2005 11:43:00 AM  
Blogger The Corporate Shill said...

B -- I can't believe you're posting about brassieres and not looping me in!

EVERYBODY deserves a bra that makes them look and feel fabulous. I've tried every last one of them one, I've been measured two dozen times (and been told definitively I'm 4 different sizes) and continue my quest.

This one is not the prettiest, but the best I've found in a long, long time. I'm wearing the red one today.
http://www.wacoal-america.com/viewdetail.html?table=bras&key=115

11/30/2005 11:53:00 AM  
Blogger The Corporate Shill said...

Oh, and I might finally finish my dissertation on bras and share it with you for further discussion on TCP.

11/30/2005 11:56:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

As someone who has benefitted from the professor's bra shopping expertise more than once, in college and more recently, I assure you she is good. She'll even help you if you get stuck in one that is too complicated when you are still shopping for one to go under your wedding dress an hour or so before your rehearsal dinner. I'm sure you won't be disappointed!

11/30/2005 01:02:00 PM  
Blogger rugdesigner said...

Wait, people actually fit you for a bra? I've never been offered that service and never knew to ask. Maybe they've just always assumed I didn't need one...

11/30/2005 05:07:00 PM  
Blogger Lee said...

Do bra-fitters get benefits?(economic ones, I mean)

11/30/2005 06:00:00 PM  
Blogger bridgett said...

I note that we all assiduously avoided the topic of the West Point military ethics professor so bothered by his participation in an dishonorable conflict that he ended his life rather than to endure the shame.

I wonder if he'll show up on the casualty count. (This is a serious question: how are active-duty men and women who commit suicide over battle stress or PTSD or whatever tabulated -- are they casualties?)

12/01/2005 10:59:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Shill, you and BitchPhD, with your love of the Wacoal. Is it really the way to go? I love this one, but can't bring myself to shell out $75 for a piece of underwear. Still...

Bridgett, I don't guess he'll get counted as a combat death. I don't really know how to talk about it either, so my bad for bringing it up and then letting it drop. I'm kind of all outraged out. I've moved clear into dispair.

12/01/2005 12:12:00 PM  

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