Scattered Things

1. My dad writes a humorous Christmas letter every year and every year he calls me at work to read it to me. Yesterday afternoon, I got to hear this one. The part about me is devoted to the extraordinarily large afghan I'm making. I wish someone--maybe even me--had thought through the problem with having an afghan over five and a half feet wide back when it was only, say, an inch and a half tall. But now? Now that it's close to five feet tall? I don't need the constructive criticism. 2. So, I finally gave up and switched everything over to the blue coat. And in the process, I found my walking hat, and, stuffed inside the walking hat? Mrs. Wigglebottom's jaunty walking scarf. See, it's finally almost dark again in the mornings when we walk and since I've traded bright orange for dark blue and she's mostly a deep dark brown, I wear a bright orange hat and she wears a bright orange scarf. I think she likes it. Or at least, she doesn't seem to mind. 3. Barista brings us the disturbing story of the suicide of professor from West Point. Bill Hobbs posts about this idiotic idea to wear red on Fridays in support of our troops. No word on how the troops in Iraq will know we're wearing red. Perhaps they will use their psychic abilities. How are these two things related? In this way: Honorable soldiers deserve honorable leaders and they deserve honorable missions. Uncritically supporting whatever this group of dishonorable madmen send our soldiers out to do is not actually supporting our troops. Wearing red, as if to say, "Well, you know, whatever's going on over there is all right with us, because you're doing it and we support you," is asinine. You want to support our troops? Insist that they have honorable leadership. 4. Yes, I know I regularly argue that corruption is just an inescapable byproduct of government. And, yes, I'm regularly baffled by people who seem surprised and outraged by it. I've had this fight very recently with the Butcher. I argue that we can't be surprised by corruption in government because government is, to some extent, immoral and, therefore, the people who govern well cannot help but be tainted, to some extent, by immorality. I'm not saying we have to accept that. Or revel in it. But, my god, we have to stop being surprised by it. And we especially have to stop with this "Well, the President is a good man." Is that man the president? Is government immoral? Then he is not a good man. At least not without a vigilant populous to insist on honorable behavior. 5. Is there a giant bra/purse conspiracy? You know how it is when you are searching for a new purse (or even how it is that you must be out searching for a new purse)? You can't ever get a purse that's exactly right. It's either a little too big or a little too small or it's in a color that you love, but that you know is going right out of style the minute you turn your back. And is it not like that with bras? Are you not out constantly searching for the perfect bra that's going to lift you up and support you and make you feel marvelous (in this way, a good bra resembles a good gospel choir, I think)? And when you find one, do you not buy three? Which, in theory, seems wise. But then, when you wear them for long enough and you begin to realize the flaws in the design, now you have three bras that aren't quite right. The Professor always has very nice looking tits. They sit right up where they should and fabulously peek out of her shirts like flirty movie stars. If this is not a testament to a woman who knows how to bra shop, I just don't know what is. Little does she know, but I'm hauling her ass out to do just that this weekend. I have nice tits. They deserve a bra that makes them look amazing in button-down shirts.