Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Live Blogging the State of The Union

8:06--Chris Matthews kisses Republican ass. Even calls Rice one of the most popular people in the world. 8:07--Why can't they get sportscasters to do the play-by-play? It's got to be better than Matthews repeating himself over and over. 8:08--Is that Keenan from Saturday Night Live standing next to Laura Bush? 8:11--Why does our president always look like he's afraid that someone is going to heckle him? Still, it's a good haircut. Is anyone else reminded of Mike Logan with all these tiny flags on lapels? Okay, just the Law & Order fans, I guess. 8:13--Is the president missing his top teeth? 8:15--The first 9/11 reference. If you had 8:15 in the pool, you win. 8:16--"We will act boldly in freedom's cause" by tapping your phone and monitoring and arresting vegans. 8:17--Burma is looking at itself all "What, when did we get on the bad guy list?" 8:18--"Allowing the violent to inherit the earth." Who had 8:18 in the "First Jesus reference" pool? 8:20--We're not for isolationism? Surprise, conservatives! 8:23--Short George Bush--"Politicians suck. But I'll ask your advice, if you're not too critical of me." 8:25--"We must stand behind our military" until they get home, then we must abandoned them. Argh. 8:27--MSNBC hopes the dead soldier's family will cry. Despite zooming in, no tears. 8:32--More shit about how we're done with isolationism and another God reference. 8:34--He just admitted he's going to use the Patriot Act in the "war" on drugs. 8:35--Now he explains why he gets to tap phones without a warrant. See "8:34" if you can't understand why you might ought to be worried about this, pot smoking hippies. 8:37--I can't hear the President over the rantings of the Butcher. 8:38--Talk of immigrants causes Kleinheider to howl so loud that I hear him clear up here. 8:42--Senator Clinton could kill with that withering glare. 8:43--For the first time in years, the Democrats show signs of life and SNARK! 8:45--The Butcher asks if the President is high. 8:46--Is that Kleinheider again screaming at the mention of a guest-worker program? 8:47--Again with the medical liability reform. I remember that from last year. 8:48--"America is addicted to oil." Coal. We're going to invest in coal. Perhaps no one told the president that mining is still deadly. 8:50--He said something important, I can tell by the clapping, but I tuned it out. 8:52--More math and science? Intelligent design, too, or not? 8:55--The President comes out against gay marriage. 8:57--Well, he was for math and science. Now he wants to limit science. 8:59--Laura Bush is now in charge of some initiative to love children. What happened to her initiative to love gang members? Did that work and now she's expanding out? Or it failed and so she's aiming for something easier? 9:01--Bush is going to give money to churches to help with the fight against AIDS, because churches are so well-known for their great love of people with AIDS and their caring outreach to communities ravaged by AIDS. 9:03--"May God Bless America." See how he gets our hopes up by insinuating that someone more powerful than him is in charge?

19 Comments:

Blogger Um...why? said...

Ok, so I didn't watch the address. Why? Mostly because I hate the stupid game of he said, but we think crap from all the Rep. vs. Dem. junk. I hate it. I personally don't think Bush is doing such a bad job. I toss and turn over the Iraq thing, but having actually been there, I'm glad we made an attempt at bringing some freedom and democracy to that part of the world. Either way, I appreciate your commentary.

1/31/2006 09:28:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Live blogging the Democratic response:

9:07: What is up with that guy's eyebrow?

9:09: Seriously. Can you not see that?

9:12: Has he had a stroke?

9:15: I think he's channeling John Belushi.

9:19: What'd he say?

-J

1/31/2006 10:04:00 PM  
Blogger J. R. said...

I'm glad someone else noticed the random Burma inclusion in W's hit list. Burma?

Did you notice Hillary was chewing gum? Chris Matthews sure as hell did.

1/31/2006 10:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had 8:15. Really I did. I have the receipt around here somewhere....

1/31/2006 10:36:00 PM  
Blogger luckybuzz said...

Thanks--I didn't watch it. Sorry you had to take that bullet, but I do appreciate the live blogging...it was more than I could do.

1/31/2006 11:18:00 PM  
Blogger Church Secretary said...

I personally don't think Bush is doing such a bad job.

Now might be a good time to divest my energies from our 'democratic' process in order to sell snake oil to Bush supporters; by the end of 2008, I should easily clear enough dollars (which will quickly be converted to a foreign currency) for a move to Canada. (While I'm at it, I'll probably sell a few bottles to supporters of incumbent Democrats.)

2/01/2006 04:30:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Church Secretary! I've always thought you had a humorous bent, but this pithy wit? Never pegged you for it. And yet, I laughed.

Jon, I totally did not watch the Democratic response. Why bother? It's like listening to that really drunk guy tell you all the things he's going to do to you, if only you'd take him home.

J.R., I about died of laughter when he said "Burma." It was so random.

David, if you come for the tits and cooters, you end up having to sit through the political rants.

2/01/2006 07:03:00 AM  
Blogger Yankee T said...

This is brilliant.

2/01/2006 07:58:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I didn't watch the "World according to Georgie" show, why? Because nobody had a gun pointed to my head. And they wonder why a lot of people don't vote. I hate them all, and I hate what they do, and I hate that I pay them to do it, and I hate that my vote never seems to matter, I hate that we feel obligated to give the dumbasses a bit of attention by talking about it. Thank you B for smoothly, subtlely changing the subject back to tits and cooters.

2/01/2006 08:08:00 AM  
Blogger grandefille said...

Thanks, aunt b, for the summary. Funny and true.

I couldn't watch. I was afraid I'd burst into tears and have an aneurysm at the same time. That's why I don't watch the nightly news anymore. I burst into tears on a regular basis, and my blood pressure spikes at the mere mention of the words "Iraq," "Katrina" or "Bush." Or "nukular." Or "Medicare." (It's similar to the way my dad used to react to anyone saying "Vietnam," "Kennedy" or "John Lennon." It's sad, this hereditary insanity.) Lest y'all think I'm partisan, though, I boycotted Clinton's SOTU speeches the last three years, too. I couldn't look at him without screaming, "You PIG you humiliated your CHILD what were you THINKING." (Ah, for the good old days, when everybody was lyin' and nobody was dyin'.)

In good news, though, I got my file cabinet cleaned out and reorganized with some spiffy new file folders (dude! they are cute!) and finished three scrapbook pages of my niece. All while watching Veronica Mars and M*A*S*H* reruns.

Denial? Queen of it, y'all. QUEEN of it.

~ sends smooches ~

2/01/2006 08:09:00 AM  
Blogger grandefille said...

P.S. -- I heard on the way in this morning, however, that all the Dems sat on their hands and wouldn't applaud His Georgeness.

Way to go, boys. Way to show some spine after you'd just bent over once again and voted in Alito. That took some *gumption*! I'm surprised you didn't try to hide behind Mrs. King's skirts, too, like our commander-in-thief.

I bet the good Lord gave her a special "go-ahead-and-cuss-in-heaven" card for last night.

2/01/2006 08:14:00 AM  
Blogger Um...why? said...

Aunt B...you've wounded me!!!!

I really appreciate your political stance, and what I love more is that you have every right to have one, even if it is wrong and misguided...LOL...just joking you know.

While I do appreciate the "tits and cooters", your blog is much more than that, which I why I keep coming back. Heck, I can read about and see all the "tits and cooters" I would like...but commentary like this...

Church Secretary,

I guess the view may be different if you have a different idea of what the Presidents job is and what you want him to do. I have no use for snake oil, but I also don't particularly like having to pay whatever some Arab wants me to for oil either, especially when we have our own. That being said, I think it is about time we stop producing vehicles that get worse than 20 mpg and I have no particular sorrow for the likes of Ford and GM and their financial situation. They deserve what they get since the only vehicles they try and sell are the very vehicles that make our reliance on foreign oil that much worse. I'm also not a big fan of dictators, and getting rid of them is good with me as well. I don't particularly like the spread of nuclear weapons, and would support trying to stop that. See, in my mind, those are much more important issues for the President of the United States to be dealing with than whether or not someone is allowed to get health insurance because they live with someone who gets it. See…just not the same issues from my vantage point. And please don’t threaten us with moving to Canada…some of us might appreciate it, then again, the Canadians might not. LOL

I just think it is funny the number of people who complain about the President, any President. Heck, I’m not a fan of good ole’ Mr. Clinton either but over all, I think he did some good things, what he did for the Office of the President of the United States, I will never forgive, but that doesn’t mean I have to put bumper stickers on my car about it, scream it at the top of my lungs, and put down every initiative he comes up with, just because it came out of his mouth.

2/01/2006 08:31:00 AM  
Blogger Exador said...

I've always suspected those Burmese bastards.

Time to inflict some Democracy!!!!

2/01/2006 08:52:00 AM  
Blogger Plimco said...

Aunt B, you are a stronger soul than I. I only made it to 8:27. The zoom in on the dead soldier's family was the end for me. I just can't watch W's smirk. Oooo.. That little smirk makes me want to kick the cat. And I see right through his public speaking tactic make point to the left, point to the right, eye contact with camera for 3rd point and....hold for applause.

2/01/2006 09:40:00 AM  
Blogger Steve Pick said...

Did y'all know that until sometime in the Wilson administration, the State of the Union message was neither an annual affair nor a message specifically read out loud by the President?

I'm reading "Team of Rivals," about the Lincoln administration, and I kid you not, he considered reading his first state of the union himself, but was afraid to appear he was putting undue pressure on the Congress to pass specific laws. Hah! I love history.

Meanwhile, I learned to appreciate the acting chops of Sarah Jessica Parker while my wife watched Sex and the City reruns instead of the SOTU last night. I've watched that show with her before, but never thought Parker was very good until I saw her act very drunk and perform a horrible seduction act.

Then, at bed time, we had the radio on, and there was a discussion about a local high school which intends to make mandatory drug tests (via hair samples) of its students, yet insists this is not being done to invade students privacy. Aaarghh!

2/01/2006 10:06:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Like Plimco, I can't bear to watch him because of that damn self-satisfied smirk. We flipped between it and White Men Can't Jump on AMC. I want to cast my vote for Rosie Perez for President. She rocks.

When we flipped back and the Democratic response was on, I thought at first it was an infomercial for that Sybaris lovers' paradise place. What was up with the "cozy fire" burning in the background??

I'm so ready for career politicans to go. Watching all those self-satisfied old white lawyers with their red and blue ties shaking hands and congratulating one another makes me want to hurl large objects.

Miss J

2/01/2006 11:12:00 AM  
Blogger grandefille said...

... was afraid to appear he was putting undue pressure on the Congress to pass specific laws. Hah! I love history.

I used to love history, too, dear Mr. Pick. Indeed, I minored in it. And to see what our country has become over the last 30 years -- now y'all see why I fear an aneurysm whenever I ponder things political.

I bet Mr. Lincoln got a "cuss-in-heaven-free" card last night, too.

2/01/2006 12:39:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just can't watch W's smirk.
Plimco, kindly don't refer to the president in that way. I'm the W around here.

Can I presume that those of you talking about "cuss-in-heaven-free" cards have decided God is on your side?

w

2/01/2006 01:05:00 PM  
Blogger grandefille said...

I try to be on His side, W. I don't presume that He's on mine. In fact, I imagine He (and His Boy) look at me and chuckle a little indulgently (but more often frustratedly) at my attempts.

I suspect He's a little more frustrated than usual with all of us right about now.

2/01/2006 04:23:00 PM  

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