Another Disjointed Mess of a Post

1. When Shaun Groves linked to Tiny Cat Pants, I thought that was pretty cool, considering that he and I could not be less religiously compatible. It takes a lot of bravery to expose yourself to ideas wildly different than yours. I know that such exposure hasn't gone so well for him lately, but when I read

I believe, having now researched not only the pagan-copycat claims against Christianity but also the claimers, that this movement is primarily joined for personal profit and publicity and is supported, if not lead, by admitted Wiccans, Satanists and Atheists hiding behind pseudonyms and half truths and funneling their theories through publishers, blogs and other outlets also openly supportive of Wicca, Satanism and Atheism and such nonsensical fringe topics as phychics, astrology, tarot card reading, alien abduction, the lost city of Atlantis and ghosts. This is not, in other words, a movement as credible as it is well spoken and prolific. But it is powerful, so be careful, pray and learn in community - never alone.

my first thought was, "Well, fuck me, that's the beginning of the end of Shaun Groves's reading of Tiny Cat Pants." My second thought was, "Damn, there's a movement of Wiccans, Satanists, and atheists that can remain anonymous and write on nonsensical topics AND profit from it. Why doesn't anyone ever let me in on this shit?" 2. The readership of Tiny Cat Pants has remained pretty steady over the last couple months and yet there seems to be a general consensus that it's suddenly gotten "popular." This is ridiculous. I guess. I guess I do feel like things have changed a lot since I started. I feel a lot more guarded about things, even though, I suppose, from all the cooter talk you'd not guess this. It's just a sleight of hand. I distract us all from the painful stuff with the loud flashy stuff. If you guys knew how often I sit at home alone... well, if not for the Professor and Sarcastro insisting I stop acting like a fucking idiot and this weird shit that's happened lately, I'd make Kleinheider look like an extrovert. 3. I also feel a lot more uncertain. I don't like it, but I don't think it's a bad thing. I mean, I feel like it's making me a better person, but god damn, it sucks. I don't know if being a tax and spend liberal is the best way to be. I don't know if Christianity is really wrong. I'm not sure if feminism goes far enough or too far or what. And these were things I used to think I had pretty well figured out. But you know, you come to care about folks who hold opinions vastly different than yours and you come to respect them as people and even if you don't agree with them, you can't feel smug in your dismissal of their positions*. 4. But I still believe that a lot of the bullshit between us that feels inevitable is not; that we, as Bridgett continually reminds us, are a story-telling animal and the stories we tell shape how we see the world. But we can tell other stories about what we've been through and about what we're going through that make us happier and healthier. I was thinking about it this way, that we're like folks who use a well-worn path to travel on a large mountain. We use this path, our parents used this path, and their parents and on back presumably used that same path. It's familiar and it gets us to where we've always gone. It often seems inevitable that we will take this path. And yet, sometimes, I catch glimpses of more ancient, crumbling paths near ours--which leads me to believe that we did not always take this path, but moved to it when the old one became impassable. And sometimes, I see folks braver than me cutting new ways through the rocks. Not every new path will be a better route to where we're going. Not every path will be worse. Sometimes, the paths may take us places we didn't even know existed. Those places may be better or worse than the places we always go. I don't know. But I do know that what seems inevitable is not. We can learn new ways. 5. I still feel like a disjointed mess (much like this post). A lot is going on because of Tiny Cat Pants and it's true that Tiny Cat Pants is different than it was and will continue to become different than it is. I don't know how. And, frankly, I'm kind of terrified. I feel like things have kind of sucked around here lately. But when I look back at recent posts, I can't put my finger on anything where I can say "Yep, that's what's going wrong." So, I think it's just that I feel unsettled and uncertain and unsure about how to express that. A lot of that comes from the fact that the best thing about this place is not my doing. Somehow this is a place where people of vastly different background can come together and talk and fight and crack jokes and be heard and listened to. I don't know for sure how that happened and I couldn't explain it to others to replicate it. But I don't know of any other place where people who actively disagree with each other can talk about politics and gender relations and other touchy things and it not devolve into flame-wars or where the people who disagree with me leave in a huff. And I'd be really sad to lose that. Though, sometimes, I think what's happening here is so weird and fragile that eventually it will fall apart and this will become just like every other liberal feminist blog on the planet where I sit around and write to a bunch of people who pretty much agree with me. Not that such a scenario wouldn't be easier than reading through Libertarianism: A Primer while I'm on the shitter. Easier, but when that happens, if it happens, it'll suck. *Yes, fuck you, Sarcastro and Exador. I do mean you. You've fucking ruined me with your libertarian bullshit--"Just because our world-view is different than yours doesn't mean it's not coherent." The next thing you know I'll be driving around in some truck the size of Canada just running over hippies and drinking and shooting at rural stop signs.