Monday, February 06, 2006
When I was little, I would often accompany my dad on his hospital visits. Aside from the part where I actually had to visit sick and dying people, I loved doing this, because it meant that my dad and I would ride around in the car, talking. Usually, we talked theology. Sometimes we talked about other stuff that was of vital importance to me, like ghosts (we were for them) and ESP (I was for it, my dad claimed to be against it, though he also claimed to have voted for Reagan in 1980 and I think we all know that's a pack of lies meant to cause me pain.). So, one day we're driving home from the hospital and my dad says, "You know, I can teach you how to read any person's mind. Ask me when you're older." And I, being the nerdy do-gooder that I am, waited. And waited. And waited. And one summer he let me go into the city by myself and I thought, "Today, I am a woman. Now, I can know the secrets of reading anyone's mind." And so I asked him, "Dad, how do you read someone's mind?" And he says, "You can't read anyone's mind. There's no such thing." "Argh, but you told me to ask when I was older and you would tell me how to do it." "Are you sure that was me and not your uncle B.?" "Can Uncle B. read minds?" "Not that I know of." But still, he knows I love supernatural stuff and especially spooky things, so last night, he mentioned that my mom has a ghost at her school. Then, like clockwork, the minute I hang up the phone with him, there's my mom calling* to tell me about the ghost**. Y'all think my life is sad, this poor ghost that haunts her school is well-known for shuffling paper and moving the vacuum cleaner around. I don't know why this surprises me. Of course people are boring in real life. Why should they be any less boring in the after-life? But still, the last thing I'm doing when I'm dead is vacuuming. *I forget if I told you about this. My mom has an apartment up near where she works, so five days a week, she lives up there, and comes home on the weekends. This arrangement is tedious now, but probably saved their marriage during the whole "our son and his pregnant crack-whore wife will live with us" episode. **Hey, maybe my mom is the mind-reader. I should think to ask her.