Monday, April 11, 2005

The Remake Quiz

I promised the Corporate Shill a post about remakes, but it occurs to me that it might be handy to have a scoring system, a guide, if you will, for anyone thinking of making a remake. Such a guide would help prevent such travesties as Limp Bizkit's cover of "Behind Blue Eyes" while rewarding the innovation of Dolly Parton and the Grascals covering "Viva Las Vegas." Here goes: 1. Are you in a band? No (+10) No, but I can play guitar (+20) No, but I'm Kid Rock (-20) No, I'm a rapper (+25) No, but I'm Emmylou Harris (+50) No, but I'm Dolly Parton (+100) Yes (0) Yes, I'm Fred Durst (-100) Yes, I was a member of the Who or Led Zeppelin (+100) 2. Where will the cover appear? Only on my website (0) I'll only play it live (+50) I'll put it on my album (+20) It's my next single! (-15) 3. The song I want to cover is: More famous than any of my original work (-30) Ought to be more famous than any of my original work (+30) Really, really old (+40) A Britney Spears or Madonna song (+30) Already covered by another, better artist (-75) From a genre other than my own (+75) The artist's signature tune (-90) 4. My interpretation is necessary because I: Mash it up with Jay-Z's The Black Album (+40) Mash it up with the Beatles The White Album (+50) Turn it into a bluegrass song (+50) Turn it into a disco song (-50) Do such a faithful interpretation you'd swear I was at a karaoke bar (-75) Can't believe the original artist isn't better known (+50) Love this song, man! (0) Scoring: Less than 0: Just quit the business now. Yes, now. 0-25: Under no circumstances should you sing this song--not even in the shower. 25-50: Sing this song only in the shower. 50-75: Bob Ritchie, I'm begging you to reconsider. 75-100: Okay, it seems like a good idea. 100 and above: Definitely cover the song!

9 Comments:

Blogger the Professor said...

So I think the quiz is fun, but I'm having some trouble testing it out.
Let's take The Dixie Chicks and Landslide (WTF were they thinking?).
1. 0
2. -15
3. definitely -30 but couldn't I also say +75?
4. I insist this is a -75 but some might argue it's a +50 bluegrass song. Should I figure both?

So, I get 3 possible scores: -120, -45, and 80. And, that last one allows that pathetic, pointless cover of a great song to have been an okay idea.

4/12/2005 11:19:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Okay, what I'm about to say may result in someone coming over and slapping me, but I'm going to say it anyway. There is only one great Fleetwood Mac song--"Second Hand News"--which is sampled awesomely by Mr. Ritchie in "Wasting Time" the song in which he so poetically says "And rollin' a Fleetwood that's how I mack." (A sample and a shout-out. How much more love can Kid Rock give?)

There are two "good" Fleetwood Mac songs--"Rhiannon" which is begging to be covered by Marilyn Manson, and "Silver Springs" which is its own treat--and one "okay" Fleetwood Mac song that benefits enormously from being covered by Courtney Love--"Gold Dust Woman."

No one can ruin "Landslide" for it already sucks.

That being said, I don't think The Dixie Chicks were doing a particularly "bluegrassy" cover, so I think you're right that it's definitely a -120 or a -45.

They most definitely should not have covered it.

4/12/2005 11:51:00 AM  
Blogger the Professor said...

Those comments don't warrant the same slap that dishing on "Ray of Light" did, but only because my love of Fleetwood Mac is well-contained. I don't own any and wouldn't put it in the CD player; however, I can't seem to turn the radio channel when I hear a song and must pause to sing along. But, I do like them and do always sing along. And "Landslide" is one of their better songs. But "Rhiannon" is still better than "Landslide."

4/12/2005 04:35:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why is it these days a musician can't just play a song somebody else wrote? Or one that is and will always be associated with another musician? In a more innocent time, aspiring guitar heroes could just play Buddy Holly and Bo Diddley and Muddy Waters songs and not have to inflict their bad high-school poetry on the world. Now (apparantly), a cover song requires a justification. What's up with that? And to play yr cover song roughly the same way its originator did--how dare you do anything so boring! You must "recontextualize" it: then the pomos will all wet themselves over how hip you are.

If Aretha Franklin had taken your test at the time she recorded "Respect", she would have scored a -45.

By the way, "mashup" is a bullshit term suitable only for Newsweek.

Oh, and all living members of the Who and Led Zeppelin should shut up and leave us alone.

Elias

PS Disco rules, bluegrass sucks. (Jay, jay!*)

*That means it's a joke.

PPS You probably don't want you cool friends to know this, but you used to have some affection for Fred Durst.............

4/13/2005 10:12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why is it these days a musician can't just play a song somebody else wrote? Or one that is and will always be associated with another musician? In a more innocent time, aspiring guitar heroes could just play Buddy Holly and Bo Diddley and Muddy Waters songs and not have to inflict their bad high-school poetry on the world. Now (apparantly), a cover song requires a justification. What's up with that? And to play yr cover song roughly the same way its originator did--how dare you do anything so boring! You must "recontextualize" it: then the pomos will all wet themselves over how hip you are.

If Aretha Franklin had taken your test at the time she recorded "Respect", she would have scored a -45.

By the way, "mashup" is a bullshit term suitable only for Newsweek.

Oh, and all living members of the Who and Led Zeppelin should shut up and leave us alone.

Elias

PS Disco rules, bluegrass sucks. (Jay, jay!*)

*That means it's a joke.

PPS You probably don't want you cool friends to know this, but you used to have some affection for Fred Durst.............

4/13/2005 10:15:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Only thing worse than an overly long and overly snarky reply is posting it twice. However, the fault is 100% Blogger's and 0% mine.

4/13/2005 10:17:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Elias, thanks for ruining it. Now no one will be shocked when "Nooky" is on the Tiny Cat Pants Dance Party CD. That was going to be the unacknowledged trade-off for having to include "Ray of Light," but I guess now I'll just have to surprise them with "How Do You Like Me Now?"

Plus, I call bullshit on your simultanious motions of holding up as great Led Zeppelin and The Who's ability to cover Muddy Waters, Bo Diddley, etc. and deriding them for having the audacity to get old.

Or was that some Robbie Robertson worship? In case you didn't notice, he got old, too.

4/13/2005 07:37:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tiny Cat Pants party CD???!!!
When can I get that?
...It better not have any OLD people on it though!
(I hate old people.)

4/14/2005 04:28:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

The Tiny Cat Pants Dance Party CD... well, there are a few obsticles. 1. I need to whoop up enough money to pay the licensing fees. 2. I need to whoop up 1000 people to buy the CD. Most promotional efforts get about a 3% return, so I need to have... shit, I can't do math in my head, but thousands more readers than I do to guarantee that 1000 of you would buy it.

But don't lose hope. I could just publish the track list to the Tiny Cat Pants Dance Party CD and y'all could "acquire" it through whatever means you felt comfortable with.

4/14/2005 08:32:00 AM  

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