Thursday, April 28, 2005

Things that have, in the last 24 hours, made me laugh so hard I almost peed

1. This morning all the radio stations in town were dogging on Katie Couric from the Today Show for wearing a cowboy hat while broadcasting from Nashville. Kathy Martindale on Oldies 96.3 even said out loud what anyone who reads Tiny Cat Pants already knows: in Nashville, only tourists wear cowboy hats. 2. "Citizens of the world! The old order is teetering on the brink of collapse. Kittens and puppies, whose vested interests have subjugated you all for centuries, are trembling in fear. (Trifles are trembling too, but that is perhaps less newsworthy, owing to their consistency)." My god, I'd marry Karl Yundt if he wasn't already married to his revolution. 3. The Professor gave me this book full of photographs of cats doing strange things that I promptly went home and read. While I was reading, the small cat climbed up on the back of the couch and stared at me and the book, as if the book were a grave insult to cats everywhere. 4. Yesterday morning, it just so happened that while I was walking Mrs. Wigglebottom up Murphy Road, there were two other people walking their dogs ahead of us. Apparently, we looked like a parade, because people kept slowing down and waving. 5. For some reason, the dog has to do this weird thing every once in a while where she kind of scrunches down on her legs and scurries really quickly sideways back and forth (If there are other pitbull owners out there who can confirm that this behavior is ordinary, I'd appreciate it) while making these little snorty noises like a pig. She usually does it when she's really, really happy, but it's weird as fuck. Well, yesterday, she was all caught up in doing this and she ran right over the orange cat. Startled him so much he just made this quiet "eep" sound before running off. 6. Then, later on in the evening, he planted himself on the footstool and was giving the dog the old stink-eye all night. Being a dog, she, of course, did not notice. Finally, the cat is so pissed that, when the dog walks by, the cat opens up his paw, extends his claws, and whaps the dog on the ass as hard as he can. The dog takes this as a sign that her prayers have finally been answered and now, after years of hoping, the cat finally wants to play with her. She then sticks her nose right in the cat's belly and snorts at him. He's so startled (and pissed, too, I mean, for all he knew, she was blowing her nose on him) he bolts up and runs off with her in hot pursuit.


Blogger Peggasus said...

Katie Couric needs to go away. For good. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Lose the mascara racoon eyes, honey. You're too old to still be acting so fucking perky, and you're scaring the children.

#3 reminds m of a book I found for $.50 at the library and gave to my friend Carol when she started bowling with us. It was from the 70s and featured hot babes with poufy hair bowling in skirts. She looked at me in somewhat the same way.

As for #5, perhaps Mrs Wigglebottom is hunting for truffles.Tis the season, after all.

4/28/2005 03:36:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

It'd be awesome if Mrs. Wigglebottom ended up having a useful skill (like truffle-hunting) that made the household some money.

She did help our neighbor find his cat--who was hiding in a bush--the other day, but that's not really a skill that I feel right about charging for since I'm fairly sure she may have been the reason the cat ended up in the bush to begin with.

As for Katie, the rumor around town is that she and Kenny Chesney are carrying on. Let's hope they don't reproduce, as the world could not stand the perkiness of the offspring they would produce (though, maybe the fates would be kind and they'd end up with kids exactly opposite them, like Stephen Wright).

4/28/2005 04:42:00 PM  

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