Straight Men and Gay Women, Come to My Aid!

Straight men and gay women, I don't believe I've ever asked anything of you. I've enlisted your gay male friends and straight women folk to reconsider supporting the Butcher, but you, straight men and gay women, I've not, before now, called on you for help. Today, I need that help. I must ask you, do you think I've gotten exponentially hotter in the past week? I think I'm fine looking. People aren't throwing up or pointing and laughing and though I might be somewhat plain, I'm funny and that makes up for a lot. But today, for the second time since Friday, I was oogled, ogled... see, it happens so infrequently to me that I don't even know how to spell it. The UPS guy looked me up and down and gave me a salacious grin. Well, straight men and gay women, salace away! Oogle me. Ogle me. Do like the tall lanky old man in Walgreens on Saturday and waltz me once around the floor. Go ahead and hug me and tickle me like the other guy on Saturday night. See me standing at a restaurant waiting for a friend and smile broadly at me until I look over. I don't know what the deal is, especially considering that I have a weird patch of dry skin on my eyelid, but I'll take it.