The Girls and How Awesome the Butcher is

Y'all, I have been in a funk. I don't know how you can watch someone you love and notice that his posture, even when he's relaxed, turns in on itself like he's in constant pain and know that there's really nothing you can do, because what he needs is so profound it's going to take something holy to give it to him, and not be in a funk. It's not just the recalcitrant brother, though, it's the whole bunch of them, who refuse to be happy, who refuse to even believe they deserve to be happy. I have nothing against this approach. I like to fret as much as the next person. But if it makes you miserable--the fretting and the worrying and the general feeling that the world is stacked against you--don't try to mitigate your misery by taking it out on me. That makes me miserable, and I don't want to be miserable. Mostly because when I'm miserable, I try to mitigate it by making everyone around me uncomfortable. Really, every once in a while I catch a glimpse of just how hostile I am towards the world in general and it almost awes me. If I could figure out how to channel that--and if I had any sense of balance whatsoever--I'd be a hell of a hockey player. But today I am out of my funk. I am happy and well-reminded of how lucky I am. Last night, I had two tall beers, a good roast beef sandwich, the Professor to my left, Miss J. to my right, the Queen directly across from me, and the Divine Ms. B. next to her. It was awesome. We were talking about poetry and philosophy and art and men and all kinds of things that stimulate us intellectually and please us aesthetically. We were catching up on stuff and finding out new things.* It made me so happy, to be surrounded by these fierce and funny women that I love. Then, later on, the Butcher joined us and looked up at me at one point and gave me this big grin like "Isn't it awesome that we're here?" and I agreed. I complain a lot about the Butcher, but really, thank god there is one person in my family who also wants to be happy and have friends and enjoy life. [edited to add that the Queen fills in the details for those of you who are curious.] ----------- *There was a moment at which I realized that the Professor and the Queen both remind me of Freyja, riding her lover (disguised as a boar) over to visit her bitchy friends. But that may be an observation for a little later...