Thursday, August 18, 2005

Yes, Feminism Again. Suck it up.

Last night I had the most surreal online discussion about... well, a lot of things. Read it here if you want. But the whole thing bugs the shit out of me. One, why do we just accept that men are shitty and that women need to be protected from them? Doesn't that piss you guys off, that the kind of default belief is that you're going to hurt each other and us? And, to go back to our previous discussion, this is exactly one of the reasons we're afraid of you, because you tell us that we should be afraid of you. Shoot, it's clear to me that we still so desperately need feminism because we women are so fucked up in so many ways. But Christ Jesus, this whole conversation reaffirmed to me that we really need to chuck the whole system for the sake of everyone. And two, again, feminism is not a moral position. Part of the work we have to do is to insist that women criminals be seen for what they are, criminals. Shit, apparently, we have to insist that people recognize that women are capable of committing crimes at all. This idea that a thirteen year old boy isn't really the victim of a crime when a 27 year old woman has sex with him is flabbergasting. Of course it's a crime that has the potential to do a lot of damage to him. Which brings me to three. It's very interesting how we're right back to the idea that, with sex crimes, somehow the victim "deserves" it. Sure, it's slightly different. A woman who's raped "deserves" it because she led the man on or dressed provocatively or whatever. A boy who is raped "deserves" it because of his presumably voracious sexual appetite. Her rape is a punishment for who she is. His rape is a reward for who he is. But still, we're talking in terms of "deserves." I wonder when we'll be able to just assume that children deserve to be free from being used by adults for their own sexual pleasure and that any adult, regardless of gender, deserves to have his or her ass carted to prison for a long time for fucking with them.

7 Comments:

Blogger Twyla said...

Oh, that online discussion was surreal, all right. Geez, I could hardly believe it! (noticed your stupid stalker was there, too) What ever happened to common sense? A child is a child. Period. Do violence against that child and you should have to pay the consequence - the child certainly will.

8/18/2005 09:41:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I had written a response early on in that discussion, but it got cut off by the computer gods and I didn't get to redo it. But you handled itwell without me.

My biggest annoyance in the whole thing is the assertation that a man/boy can't really be raped because an erection is required. I've known a guy or two who claimed to have complete control, but they're few and far between, and even they won't say they could control it at 13. The whole argument is equivalent to saying a woman wasn't really raped if she has an orgasm. Somethings are just physically hardwired.

Doesn't that piss you guys off, that the kind of default belief is that you're going to hurt each other and us?
Yeah it does. That's one of my biggest complaints about the manifestation of 'feminism' I see most often. (Which is why I like your feminism B.)

But there is a certain truth in it. Some men are that way and if you assume the worst you're less liable to end up in a bad place. I hate to be dragged down because of a few bad apples, but if it saves a few women from some of those bad apples, then maybe it's worth it. I'm sort of conflicted about it.

W

8/18/2005 10:27:00 AM  
Blogger Yankee T said...

God, Aunt B., that discussion was unbelievable to me. How is it possible that people don't actually see how the two acts of sexual predators are the same, no matter what the sex of the victim? Are we living in some kind of alternate universe? I thank you, B, for getting out there and doing this arguing for those of us who are too caught up in our daily lives to do so.
Once again, hats off to you!

8/18/2005 10:41:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is an excellent book about and for men who were victims of sexual abuse.

Victims No More
by Mike Lew

deborah

8/18/2005 11:05:00 AM  
Blogger _Summer_ said...

This sentence stopped me from reading any further:

"I'm just saying that a 27 year-old woman bedding a 13 year-old boy is not the same transgression as a 27 year-old man bedding a 13 year-old girl and we shouldn't pretend that it is. They are both very, very bad. One is worse."

I just don't have it in me today to suffer THIS level of asshattery. Not intentionally, anyway.


*sticking my head in the oven*

8/18/2005 11:09:00 AM  
Blogger Kleinheider said...

I just don't have it in me today to suffer THIS level of asshattery.

Asshattery, that's funny. I've always wanted to be thought of as being at a high level. Asshattery was not what I was shooting for, but one takes what one can get, I suppose :)

8/18/2005 01:32:00 PM  
Anonymous shug said...

I was reading this discussion and at times found I had to pick my jaw up off the ground…

Why is it that no one has pointed out the fact that a woman can penetrate a boy? I mean with all the smart people in the crowd no one has figured that penetration can also be from a strap-on... no, leave it to the lesbo to point that one out!! And yes a boy can get an erection and be raped as well. Our bodies are hardwired for sex and no matter how much he fights it, his dick will betray him.

8/18/2005 10:57:00 PM  

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