The Creepy Nice Guy

Sorry, y'all, I got caught up in the thought of all the conservative blogging men I know enslaved to me and doing all my housework while naked and thus got distracted from the important bits of yesterday's post on the problems with liberal men. So, I wanted to start out by saying that I think we can't discount S-Town Mike's objection that we can't discount inter-faction fighting between people all competing for the same pool of vulnerable co-eds. Fair enough. But again, W. leads to enlightenment, as he asks for clarification between the "creepy nice guy" and guys who are nice. This is somewhat hard to explain, because a lot of it has to do with just the vibe the creepy nice guy gives off. Let's take the Wayward Boy Scout for example. When we came out of the strip club, he opened the truck door for me. Did I mind? Not at all. Why? Because he was being nice* and I assume that, in his paradigm, holding doors for women is his way of saying "Yeah, I'm probably not going to shoot you." But, and here's the problem, the creepy nice guy will also hold the door for you. The creepy nice guy will buy you flowers. The creepy nice guy will pay for your meal. See, the creepy nice guy will do all the things regular guys who are nice will do, but with a difference. Most straight guys** do nice things for women because they want the women to know they like them and want to be liked in return, in hopes, I presume, of eventually getting laid. But the creepy nice guy does these things because he hates women. The creepy nice guy doesn't send you flowers because he saw them and thought how beautiful you'd think they were and thus might be inclined to fuck him. The creepy nice guy sends you flowers because he wants to prove to you and to everyone around you that he is a nice guy and so, if you won't fuck him, it's because you're a bitch. Dwell on the fucked-up-ed-ness of the creepy nice guy here a moment. Once he decides that you're the object of his affections, he already presumes that 1. He's inherently attractive to any woman he meets and so 2., if you don't respond properly to his gestures, it's because 3., you're a man-hating whore, because 4. he apparently possesses the ability to read minds. So, you can see our dilemma when men do nice things for us. If we don't know them very well, it's hard to discern whether they're behaving those ways because they like us or because they're just waiting to hate us. But I actually think that it's point 4. that sheds real light on the problems between liberal women and liberal men. There are now creepy nice guys who have become so thoroughly familiar with feminist thought that we liberal women mistake them for guys who are nice, thoughtful, and on our side. When really, no, they are just the same old creepy nice guy who both thinks he deserves better than us and is shook to the core by the fact that we might not want him. And the fact that he presumes to know what we're thinking, because he's already read all the theory, well, obviously, in the face of that, it's nice to sit across the table from someone who will regularly say "Where the fuck did you get that idea?" Conservative men, I theorize, are benefiting from the expert camouflaging skills of the creepy nice guy within liberal circles. And, I surmise that, if it appears that all the easy girls start pursuing conservative men, the creepy nice guy will, once again, change his spots to blend in with that crowd. *Well, and I'm planning on someday opening a car door for him, just to see how uncomfortable it makes him, but that's just my own sad way of amusing myself. **And yes, I'm making broad generalizations. If you don't like it, the line to suck my butt starts over there.