Saturday, November 19, 2005

"I'm going away just to wear you off my mind"

The long hours are getting to everyone. The quiet guy sitting to my right has transformed into a hilarious, obnoxious mess. He's bitching about the South. He's demanding the right to go home early. I saw him packing things up at ten and I yelled over, "Hey, cheater, we're here until four." "You're here until four," he hollered back. "What you call 'cheating,' I call 'Getting the hell out of Dodge.'" Ah, citizens of Earth, if only he'd been so amusing yesterday or the day before, I might not have been wishing for a gun. But, I was thinking, if I had had a gun yesterday, I could have shot myself in the foot--thus getting me out of the hotel AND forcing the recalcitrant brother to come into the city to visit me in the hospital. But, you know, what the fuck? Instead of being bitter, I'm just going to sit down with the whole family at Thanksgiving and suggest that we have our family motto be: "The [our last names]: Total strangers will do better by us than we will." Then, I can get that tattooed on me some place where I can refer to it often, until I know it in my heart, and then I'll stop being so fucking hurt by their bullshit. Whew. That spot's tender. Let's go back to the people watching. The two girls to my left tend to answer in unison when they're unsure which one of them is being spoken to. The guy across from them is delightfully laid-back which, I think, has had a calming effect on everyone. The two girls across from me are cute as hell, but very no nonsense. What's the use in being cute as hell if you aren't any fun?* The woman directly to my right has been a riot this whole time. I'll be sitting quietly and she'll just lean over and say something like, "You're left handed?" "Yes." "Oh, my god. How gross!" Which is maybe not so funny in print, but I thought I was going to fall out of my chair. My dad just called to talk about Thanksgiving. I did not spring the motto-creation plan on him. Instead I had the pleasure of explaining to him yet again that I'm not doing Thanksgiving this year because, god damn it, the Butcher is a grown ass man who works at a store and owns a meat thermometer and I am not the fucking family social director. And so he should discuss meal planning with the Butcher. "Well, that's what your brother said, but I couldn't believe it." You know, you'd think a family so dependent on women for its well-being would be a little nicer to us. You'd also think that once I realized that I constantly take care of them in ways I wish they'd take care of me and once I realized that all that's done is lead them to expect that I will always take care of things, that I would stop taking care of things. But come on! I think we both know who, if any turkey has actually been procured, will be putting that fucker in the oven on Thursday. I can't decide if the trick is to stop taking care of people or just to find better people to take care of. Anyway, it's stupid to let them annoy me so much. Soon enough, I'll be done here and I'll have no obligations to anyone until Monday morning. I'm probably going to stop by the recalcitrant brother's house for lunch and I'll probably stop by Walmart to get some yarn for my next project. But none of these probablies are firm. And I'm buoyed by the knowledge that I will soon enough get into my car, slip out of town, and drive out of reach of everyone, at least for a little bit. *As Josh White reminds us, "Takes a nice teasing mama just to pacify my soul."

7 Comments:

Blogger Ivy, the Great and Powerful said...

That's a lot like our family motto, which is "Friends are better than family any day". *hugs* I've just made my friends into family members and am done with it.

11/19/2005 05:13:00 PM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

The toast I give every year for T'giving is "I would rather be with the people at this table than with the finest people on earth."

11/19/2005 05:22:00 PM  
Blogger dailydiablogger said...

You've been invited to the next Rutherford County Blogger and Podcaster's meet up. Yes, I know you don't live in Rutherford County but we all love you.

11/19/2005 05:42:00 PM  
Blogger Ivy, the Great and Powerful said...

Yes, yes, Aunt B!! You have GOT to come to the next Rutherford County Blogger meet-up!! We all agreed you're the #1 person in the Nashville Blogosphere we wanna meet! (holy crap, I'm using a lot of exclamation points again) Anyway, come on out, unless you're out gallivanting the world, or something. :D

11/19/2005 06:52:00 PM  
Blogger Dana said...

This is my first time on your blog, and I was not prepared for the funny things that herein lie. I had to run to the bathroom after reading your proposed family motto. I barely made it there without wetting my pants. But I did make it. Otherwise, I would be changing my pants right now instead of posting this comment.

11/19/2005 08:28:00 PM  
Blogger Peggasus said...

Oh, B, B, B.

'What's the use in being cute as hell if you aren't any fun?' I am both, and smart to boot. And so are you.

You'd also think that once I realized that I 'constantly take care of them in ways I wish they'd take care of me, and once I realized that all that's done is lead them to expect that I will always take care of things, that I would stop taking care of things.'

Well, I did that too. For years I let myself be under the impression that if I didn't do it that it wouldn't be done correctly. But you know what? When B and his friends all go up to Wisconsin for a ski trip every year, and I don't make two of the meals, and he forgets the toothpaste, all I think now is, well, you know what? Fuck. It's just WISCONSIN, they can get all the crap they need up there too!
And now, when I make Thanksgiving dinner, I let my three brothers wash and clean up. And you know what? I think they actually enjoy that time in the kitchen together, even, if it starts off as bitching about me, and they kind of look forward to it each year, because it's all good-natured, and now THAT is kind of the tradition. As long as they don't break my china.

Once I let that shit go, t was a helluva lot easier.

11/19/2005 09:59:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Shoot, if I have a car, I'm all over the next Rutherford County blogger meet-up. That'd be awesome.

Peg, as always, you are great.

Lynn, happy to have you.

11/20/2005 05:54:00 PM  

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