Lunch with W.

Lately, there seems to be an informal and lovely tradition of my readers taking me out to eat. Today was W.'s turn. We went to the Mellow Mushroom. I had half a steak and cheese sandwich. W. had something that came with a heap of sprouts on top, which struck me as funny. Not the sprouts, but the vast amount of them, as if a person might want to build himself a little wall of alfalfa sprouts in order to hide behind them from the crazy blogger lady across the table. Since W. is an engineer, I've no doubt he could have designed a very sturdy wall out of all of those sprouts, if he'd felt like it. He did not. He did, however, come up with the most ingenious idea, which I now share with you. Seeing as how old men find me so irresistible they must stop and offer me rides as I'm walking home and seeing as how I have a dog that can leap from behind a chair over the top of the chair and into the laps of unsuspecting patrons of said chair, W. proposes that I use my odd ability to attract the affections of old men to attract the affections of a rich old man. Upon marrying him, I let the dog leap over the back of the chair and into his lap, thus causing him to have a heart attack, thus leaving me so wealthy that I can have a chauffeur drive delightfully tiny hors d'oeuvres around to all my readers, starting with W., since he came up with the idea. I gave W. his afghan, which he either liked or faked liking sufficiently enough to please me. I think he was expecting something more frou-frou looking, or at least more green, but it was, as promised, sufficiently manly. He also had this brilliant idea that I should make up t-shirts for liberals to wear that would say "Yes, Republicans, We are Fuckers!" But the more I think about it, the more that seems like the kind of shirt that might be misconstrued, depending on where the line-breaks went, and if there's anyone you don't want misconstruing things, it's people who are well-armed. I have been thinking, though, that a perfect T-shirt might read "Tool of the Patriarchy." Anyway, it's delightful and strange to meet y'all and I hope you find me strange and delightful in return.