Friday, December 09, 2005

I Scandalize my Co-Workers

As mentioned, the Sheik is in town and so I got semi-gussied up for work because I'm not going home before we all go out. And so I thought today would be as good a day as any to try out the new bra. I'm a little self-conscious about it and am, I thought, making a much bigger deal out of it than necessary, basically because I fear change. But, I thought, if I could arrange to just touch base with an objective outside observer who could take me home to change underwear if he thought I looked ridiculous instead of hot, it'd be fine. It seemed like a fine plan and I had convinced myself that I was making a mountain out of a mole hill, until my coworker just now pulled me aside to inform me that my tits looked "shocking." Needless to say, my office door is now shut. [4:25--Edited to add that my objective outside observer is all "I have a job. I have to work. I'm not at the bar like normal people." so I'm just going to have to brave it alone. Still, it doesn't bode well that I can't talk a healthy heterosexual man into staring at my tits.]


Blogger Peggasus said...

Touch base? TOUCH BASE?

That would be second base, if memory serves.

Also, making a much bigger deal out of it? Mountain out of a mole hill?

That's one powerful bra.

12/09/2005 12:53:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Christ, Peg, I'm already dying here. You're not helping. You're cracking me up, but you're not helping.

12/09/2005 12:57:00 PM  
Anonymous Nashville Attorney said...

Why do I have to keep reading this drivel about your tits when all I really want is a good story about Ms. Wigglebottom.

Congrats. You have breats. So does 50% of the population. Lets move on to humurous anecdotes about the dog. Put some peanut butter on her gums and get back to us.

12/09/2005 01:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Nashville Attorney said...

breats = breasts
humurous = humorous

12/09/2005 01:21:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

No one's forcing you to read me at all. And I'm guessing from your misspellings that thinking about my tits has you a little more shook up in an enjoyable way than you'd like us to believe.

Anyway, it's Mrs. Wigglebottom. Wigglebottom is her married name.

12/09/2005 01:30:00 PM  
Blogger saraclark said...

I think the term you are looking for is "dress them up and take them out." Enjoy your evening out and let the girls get some air.

12/09/2005 02:04:00 PM  
Blogger Exador said...

Stop touching yourself at work. You'll get caught and always be known as the office nympho.

Actually, that would be cool to be the office nympho.

12/09/2005 02:06:00 PM  
Blogger luckybuzz said...

Oh my god. What do I have to do to get "shocking tits"? Because that would so go on my resume.

12/09/2005 02:07:00 PM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

Congrats. You have breats. So does 50% of the population.

Make that 100%.

It's just that most men's breasts aren't nearly as prominant.

12/09/2005 02:29:00 PM  
Blogger Exador said...

Wouldn't it make more sense to have an objective outside observer take you home if you looked hot instead of ridiculous?

12/09/2005 02:34:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Well, at least it's funny.

12/09/2005 02:35:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Boy Scout, in that case, I'll have to pick a different objective outside observer...

12/09/2005 02:35:00 PM  
Blogger bridgett said...

May I enquire after the brand name of this amazing rig you're currently wearing? My tits haven't so much as caught spaghetti sauce (much less anyone's eye) in about five years.

12/09/2005 02:42:00 PM  
Anonymous brittney said...

Nashville Attorney: You suck so hard.

12/09/2005 03:03:00 PM  
Blogger Ivy, the Great and Powerful said...

Man, I need a bra like that!! Where'd you get it?

12/09/2005 03:11:00 PM  
Blogger the Professor said...

Which coworker was it? One that is easily scandalized? Shit, I think they might all be. Or one who was joking and very in support (ha, ha) of your new look? I'm so excited. If wish the Sheik would call and tell me how close he is so I can start to make more concrete plans. I fear he's never going to arrive.

12/09/2005 03:12:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

I feel compelled to point out that it's very possible that my co-worker is just old-fashioned and not that my breasts have become the most magnificent orbs on the planet.

Though, I will rub them a little, to see if they'll grant me some wishes.

12/09/2005 03:13:00 PM  
Blogger the Professor said...

Those two (old-fashioned co-worker and most magnificant orbs for boobs) are not mutually exclusive.

He called!! He's on 24 now, so probably a 5:30PM arrival. Yeah!

12/09/2005 03:21:00 PM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

This is why I stopped wearing my codpiece to work.

12/09/2005 04:06:00 PM  
Blogger Yankee T said...

HOWLING AT MY DESK!!!! (but who the hell is that other idiot?)

12/09/2005 04:16:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn. I keep missing my chance to see how wonderful the new bra is. I could have stopped right by. I dont have to work after 3:30.

Remind me to give you my number.


12/09/2005 07:05:00 PM  
Anonymous Nashville Attorney said...

Brittney: I thought you had some sort of aversion to personal attacks? Don't hate me for being handsome, rich, and your intellectual superior. I dont hold your grandfathers shameful death against you.

12/10/2005 01:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Nashville Attorney said...

And I'm guessing from your misspellings that thinking about my tits has you a little more shook up in an enjoyable way than you'd like us to believe.

Guilty. However, I do miss the stories about Mrs. Wigglebottom. The cats are pretty damn funny too, but I've got a thing for sissy pit bulls.

12/10/2005 01:03:00 AM  

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