Friday, December 09, 2005

I Scandalize my Co-Workers

As mentioned, the Sheik is in town and so I got semi-gussied up for work because I'm not going home before we all go out. And so I thought today would be as good a day as any to try out the new bra. I'm a little self-conscious about it and am, I thought, making a much bigger deal out of it than necessary, basically because I fear change. But, I thought, if I could arrange to just touch base with an objective outside observer who could take me home to change underwear if he thought I looked ridiculous instead of hot, it'd be fine. It seemed like a fine plan and I had convinced myself that I was making a mountain out of a mole hill, until my coworker just now pulled me aside to inform me that my tits looked "shocking." Needless to say, my office door is now shut. [4:25--Edited to add that my objective outside observer is all "I have a job. I have to work. I'm not at the bar like normal people." so I'm just going to have to brave it alone. Still, it doesn't bode well that I can't talk a healthy heterosexual man into staring at my tits.]

21 Comments:

Blogger Peggasus said...

Touch base? TOUCH BASE?

That would be second base, if memory serves.

Also, making a much bigger deal out of it? Mountain out of a mole hill?

That's one powerful bra.

12/09/2005 12:53:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Christ, Peg, I'm already dying here. You're not helping. You're cracking me up, but you're not helping.

12/09/2005 12:57:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why do I have to keep reading this drivel about your tits when all I really want is a good story about Ms. Wigglebottom.

Congrats. You have breats. So does 50% of the population. Lets move on to humurous anecdotes about the dog. Put some peanut butter on her gums and get back to us.

12/09/2005 01:20:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

breats = breasts
humurous = humorous

12/09/2005 01:21:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

No one's forcing you to read me at all. And I'm guessing from your misspellings that thinking about my tits has you a little more shook up in an enjoyable way than you'd like us to believe.

Anyway, it's Mrs. Wigglebottom. Wigglebottom is her married name.

12/09/2005 01:30:00 PM  
Blogger saraclark said...

I think the term you are looking for is "dress them up and take them out." Enjoy your evening out and let the girls get some air.

12/09/2005 02:04:00 PM  
Blogger Exador said...

Stop touching yourself at work. You'll get caught and always be known as the office nympho.

Actually, that would be cool to be the office nympho.

12/09/2005 02:06:00 PM  
Blogger luckybuzz said...

Oh my god. What do I have to do to get "shocking tits"? Because that would so go on my resume.

12/09/2005 02:07:00 PM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

Congrats. You have breats. So does 50% of the population.

Make that 100%.

It's just that most men's breasts aren't nearly as prominant.

12/09/2005 02:29:00 PM  
Blogger Exador said...

Wouldn't it make more sense to have an objective outside observer take you home if you looked hot instead of ridiculous?

12/09/2005 02:34:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Well, at least it's funny.

12/09/2005 02:35:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Boy Scout, in that case, I'll have to pick a different objective outside observer...

12/09/2005 02:35:00 PM  
Blogger bridgett said...

May I enquire after the brand name of this amazing rig you're currently wearing? My tits haven't so much as caught spaghetti sauce (much less anyone's eye) in about five years.

12/09/2005 02:42:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nashville Attorney: You suck so hard.

12/09/2005 03:03:00 PM  
Blogger Titusina Andronica said...

Man, I need a bra like that!! Where'd you get it?

12/09/2005 03:11:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

I feel compelled to point out that it's very possible that my co-worker is just old-fashioned and not that my breasts have become the most magnificent orbs on the planet.

Though, I will rub them a little, to see if they'll grant me some wishes.

12/09/2005 03:13:00 PM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

This is why I stopped wearing my codpiece to work.

12/09/2005 04:06:00 PM  
Blogger Yankee, Transferred said...

HOWLING AT MY DESK!!!! (but who the hell is that other idiot?)
AUNT B MADE ME HOWL AGAIN

12/09/2005 04:16:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn. I keep missing my chance to see how wonderful the new bra is. I could have stopped right by. I dont have to work after 3:30.

Remind me to give you my number.

W

12/09/2005 07:05:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brittney: I thought you had some sort of aversion to personal attacks? Don't hate me for being handsome, rich, and your intellectual superior. I dont hold your grandfathers shameful death against you.

12/10/2005 01:00:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And I'm guessing from your misspellings that thinking about my tits has you a little more shook up in an enjoyable way than you'd like us to believe.

Guilty. However, I do miss the stories about Mrs. Wigglebottom. The cats are pretty damn funny too, but I've got a thing for sissy pit bulls.

12/10/2005 01:03:00 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home