Thursday, January 19, 2006
About Me
- Name: Aunt B
- Location: Nashville, Tennessee, United States
Like Donnell Alexander says, "It's about completing the task of living with enough spontaneity to splurge some of it on bystanders, to share with others working through their own travails a little of your bonus life." But, it's mostly the kind of place that folks looking for "girls and cars" stumble across by accident.
I'VE MOVED. COME CHECK OUT THE MOST RECENT STUFF HERE.
WHERE TO DIRECT YOUR HATE MAIL AND LOVE LETTERS
ALL PROCEEDS GO TO BEER
THINGS I SAID RECENTLY
- The Orange Cat
- That's No Way to Treat a Lady
- Passed Along Without Comment
- "He was a man of double vision."
- Bring It On!
- This Kind of Feminist Posturing Has Nothing to Do ...
- "You Don't Need No Strength; You Need to Grow Up, ...
- We Now Return You to Your Regularly Scheduled Moping
- Jerry Sutton, I Almost Feel Bad For You
THE CAST OF CHARACTERS
Aunt B.--Your kind host.The Butcher--My youngest brother, who lives with me and works as, you guessed it, a butcher. He knows everyone in town.
The Recalcitrant Brother--Our middle brother, who lives in rural Georgia and has a kind of movie star life, if that movie star is Burt Reynolds in Deliverance.
The Reverend--Our Dad, a Methodist minister, perpetually three years from retirement.
Mom--Our Mom. She doesn't get a funny nickname because our mom will not stand for funny nicknames.
Mrs. Wigglebottom--My dog. She's got terrible manners.
The Corporate Shill--Or The Shill, as we call her. My friend from college who was constantly getting me into trouble and going to parties she neglected to tell me about where cute boys would ask her "Where's Aunt B.?"
The Legal Eagle--The Shill's husband.
The Super Genius--She lived next door to me my freshman year of college and we've been friends ever since my first day on the floor.
Miss J.--My first adult friend, meaning the first lasting friendship I made after college. She was my roommate in grad school.
Her Lover--Her Husband.
The Divine Ms. B.--Miss J.'s sister and one of my heroes, because she's brave and funny and mystic and fearless.
JR--My oldest friend. I've known her since I was in the second grade.
Elias--JR's husband and the person who's musical tastes have most strongly affected my own. Oh, how I long to be cooler than him!
The Professor--My closest friend here in Nashville. She's a genius, but she'll never tell you that.
The Man from GM--I've known him since I was 16 and he still hasn't forgiven me for telling him I was a vegetarian when I wasn't.
The Redheaded Kid--No one knows where he comes from or where he goes when he leaves here. I assume he's the Butcher's friend. The Butcher assumes he's mine.
12 Comments:
My plan for relieving these dinks of their cash involves starting a raw foods pet food company.
See, this is why you are the evil genius and I am not. Brilliant plan.
Ancestors of dogs and cats also died a lot, and at a young age.
Zachary consistently finds some mysterious food source in the wilds of my backyard that leaves him with vomiting and diarrhea. You'd think he'd quit going back for more. If I left devices to natural selection, I'd have a cute, new puppy every 6 months.
My dog eats tomatos,zucchini and anything I accidentally drop on the floor but her most favorite cuisine is poop.
Why can't I come up with brilliant ideas for making money?
How about organic poop? I guess it's already organic, but what the hell.
For all you dog owners....
Most cities have trouble getting rid of the results the waste water treatmenet plant. You could probably get it cheap if not free to feed your dogs. It's concentrated poop. Super poop, if you will.
There may be a business idea in there somewhere. I want some royalties if you make it work Sarcastro.
A benefit of the raw vegetable approach though.... Lots of fiber = more poop for the dog to eat.
W
One of our dogs is a Snobby Breed. We got him by accident, as the other people in town who have one love to attest. We are not Worthy of a Bernese Mountain Dog. Our incomes are too low, my waistline too high.
BARF is a huge diet for most of the Berner Community. (Bones and Raw Food). Steak Tartare, T-bone Steaks, etc. When the Other Berner Owners found out that we feed Casey STORE-BOUGHT DOG KIBBLE they refused to speak to us again.
Some people have more money than sense
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I gave Hank broccoli once, and for a full 24 hours, his ass produced the foulest, most god-awful stench I've ever experienced.
I thought the only vegetation dogs ate in the wild was that from the stomach of their prey. Dogs are carnivores, right?
Dogs are actually omnivores. Cats are totally carnivores. That's why dogs like cat food (and kitty cakes) so much. The reason you're not supposed to give cat food to dogs is, since dogs are naturally omnivores, their kidneys/livers cannot handle an all the byproducts from eating so much protein.
I used to feed my cats a bones and raw food diet. It was more effort than it was worth, though. It wasn't all that expensive, though, since I gave them spare parts from stuff I wasn't going to eat anyway (like chicken gizzards, etc.)
Cribbs likes cheese. Loves it. Can't get enough of it.
He also likes rolling in afterbirth when a cow gives birth to a calf on the farm.
I wonder if we could sell our afterbirth to rich people to have their dogs roll in.
Shoot, I think rolling in afterbirth might actually be brilliant. I know Mrs. Wigglebottom would love to eat that stuff and I bet other girl dogs would as well. I bet that's just your dog's way of luring the ladies.
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