Tuesday, February 14, 2006

A Napkin Cooter

Fritz is just as cute as the dickens. Cute like you would not believe. I overwhelmed him, though, and apologized profusely for overwhelming him, but could not help it. I blathered on about everyone. I called Sarcastro and asked him impertinent questions on Fritz's behalf. I talked about how cute Bob Krumm is in real life and why I adore libertarians. And then, I made him a little napkin cooter and showed him around it. I could see the look of terror in his eyes and yet, I could not stop. No, once the folds of the napkin looked sufficiently cooter-like, I had to point out the particular features of the landscape he should be sure not to miss if he ever encounters one. I believe he then left the restaurant to go in search of a men's-only island where he could live. Really, it's amazing that people want to meet me. I am a total crazy mess. Sorry, Fritz. [Edited add: Here's Fritz's take.]


Blogger Sarcastro said...

Well, that sounds like it went about as well as could be expected.

2/14/2006 01:08:00 PM  
Blogger Mr. Mack said...

Hey B, too chicken-shit to meet a flesh and blood Hetero? Huh?

BTW, you've taken origami to places it was never intended to go...I'm just sayin.

2/14/2006 01:09:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

I feel terrible. Why don't you warn people?

2/14/2006 01:10:00 PM  
Blogger Sarcastro said...

Let them experience the force of nature that is you without warning. It will cull the herd.

2/14/2006 01:18:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

I was under the impression that the charming libertarians were flesh and blood heteros, but, Mack, if you have photos that prove differently, I'll give you $25 for them.

2/14/2006 01:23:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Ha, Mack's comment has vanished and so mine makes no sense. But I'm still leaving it, because it makes me laugh.

Sarcastro, I'm pleased that I can be used as a way to bring about your libertarian utopia. I was afraid you'd just run me over as soon as the revolution started.

2/14/2006 01:26:00 PM  
Blogger Sarcastro said...

Many are called, few are chosen.

I'm still seeing Mack's comment. Maybe it vanished because he realized the tone of it made it self-fulfilling.

2/14/2006 01:35:00 PM  
Blogger grandefille said...

Fritz is a good, sweet fella, B, and you were just being your usual helpful self. It's just when we get to pointing at and/or creating paper versions of body parts across the lunch table that we alarm the more shy, retiring folk. Regardless of their preferences.

I don't think I've ever made origami body parts for dissection and discussion at lunch, but I sure frightened the stew out of two co-workers one time when they tried to embarrass me in front of a client at lunch at Midtown. (Midtown!) Dudes, I cannot BE embarrassed. You, however, CAN. And WERE.

And the client never was the wiser. Muwahahaha, and schwing!

2/14/2006 02:00:00 PM  
Blogger Exador said...

If only you could have shot a ping pong ball out of the napkin cooter.

That would have sent him running, arms flailing.

Save it for next time.

2/14/2006 02:56:00 PM  
Blogger Sarcastro said...

I would pay good money to see that nasty tableau unfold.

2/14/2006 03:10:00 PM  
Blogger W said...

Fritz gets napkin cooters and I get stories about Mrs. Wigglebottom? I like stories about Mrs. Wigglebottom but damn.....

I suppose Fritz needs the occasional exposure to a cooter just to keep him grounded.

2/14/2006 04:24:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

W., you're an attractive man in his thirties. I assumed you knew your way around a woman's cooter. My sincere apologies.

Now that I know how to scrunch up a napkin so that it sort of resembles one, I promise that the next time you take me out for lunch, I will show you around a napkin cooter.

I will not, however, shoot ping pong balls out of it. I'm saving that for the Wayward Boy Scout.

2/14/2006 04:33:00 PM  
Blogger W said...

While I do know a little about cooters, I never turn down advice from an expert.

When you do the ping pong trick, aim for his eye.

2/15/2006 06:56:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

I've learned the hard way that if you try to blind the guy once you get his face down there, it ends the fun real quick.

2/15/2006 07:08:00 AM  

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