The Kind of Thing that Goes Terribly Wrong with Chili

So, on Friday, I invited the Professor over for chili. The Butcher was supposed to go grocery shopping for the much-needed ingredients, but he forgot the list. We decided that was fine, he'd just go after work and we'd have a very late supper. This is also fine. Though I usually go to bed at 9:30, I figured that I could stay up late one evening and eat at 9:30 instead. The only unfortunate side-effect to preparing food when you're usually preparing for bed is that you might not be thinking too clearly. For instance, you might chop up a jalapeno pepper to put in your chili. You might just give a cursory rinse off to your hands. You might then, hours later, itch your eye. Yes, that's right. You might be stupid enough to stick your finger in your eye. If you've never been that stupid, I don't know if words can express how much it hurts. If you have been that stupid, stop reading now, because I'm going to try to describe it and I want to spare you the agony of remembering it. Imagine you get soap in your eye. Then imagine that your eye starts to tear up and you think "Ah, well, this sucks, but the tears will wash the soap out of my eye." But instead, the tear makes the soap in your eye intensify and spread around your eyeball and then leak out onto the soft tissue of your eye and then it's not soap at all, but gasoline and it's on fire. Your eye is on fire. That's what it feels like. Having your eye catch fire and then dragged through rusty barbed wire. But, it was pretty good chili.