Friday, September 30, 2005

Things that I Didn't Do at Dinner with the Libertarian Elite

So, I went to dinner with the Libertarian Elite. As usual, I was nervous as hell. Right here is why I could never get a small dog, because, though I appear all calm, cool, and collected, internally, I'm yapping and shaking and pissing on the floor. There can't be two of us. As you know, the chances of me doing something utterly stupid and off-putting are very high when I'm that nervous. Some of you even made suggestions for stupid and off-putting things I could do. So, here are the top ten things I thought I might do or you thought I should do, which I did not. 1. I didn't ask "Women Libertarians? Isn't that a contradiction in terms?" as the Butcher thought I should. 2. I didn't ask "Are there Libertarians outside of Chicago?" as the Professor's cute guy thought I should. 3. I didn't get there thirty minutes early and sit in my car and read a book, so that I could both be sure I was there and not sit in the restaurant by myself. 4. I flashed no one--not even the waiter. 5. I showed no one my cute boob freckle. I know! I'm always whipping that puppy out when I get nervous like "Yeah, I'm a total nerdy dork, but look at this and love it. How bad can I be with a cute boob freckle like this?" (Though I did wear a shirt in which I could do that, if it came to that.) 6. I didn't kick anyone's ass. 7. I did not wait until the most unlikely moment to stand up at the table, throw down my napkin, and say "I can't share a table with anyone who doesn't like II better than Physical Graffiti." 8. I did not let the Professor's cute boy sit at a nearby table. Nor did I let him come over about halfway through, say something very suggestive, and escape with me. 9. I didn't order the most spicy thing on the menu. 10. No Libertarian orgy... though I'm not sure how that would work anyway, since they're all about everyone taking care of themselves first. Can Libertarians have orgies? Or does everyone just sit around and masturbate while contemplating all the people living off the Taxpayers' Teat? Anyway, I had a very nice time and I think they had a nice time and no one got mad and there weren't any fights, since we had a lot of common ground, as their quiz suggested we might.


Anonymous Sarcastro said...

I came so close to digging out my vinyl copy of Zep II and bringing it last night.

Ironically, I don't own Physical Grafitti on vinyl or disc. Used to have it cassette, or possibly 8-track.

9/30/2005 09:27:00 AM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

Nor do I own it.

Some things get sold for rent money when you're in your twenties.

Admit it.

You found us all charming and sexy as hell.

But I refuse to allow YOU to enjoin in the efforts to kick me out of the libertarian party. First Sar, then Kleinheider. Now you.

BTW, haven't you noticed yet that I'm a piss-poor woman? I would make a much better man.

9/30/2005 10:01:00 AM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

Kathy will definitely get her car towed after that comment.

9/30/2005 11:46:00 AM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

Buddy there are lines you don't wanna cross with me.

"Kathy" is one of those lines.

But I did deserve it, if only for the reprehensible sentence structure that led me to say "enjoin in".


9/30/2005 11:49:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Shoot, you have to stay Libertarian or there won't be any girls in the party and, if there aren't any girls in the party, who will bring the pot brownies to the meetings, and if Libertarians don't have pot brownies, how can they have meetings?

Anyway, it's all good. I was listening to "Whole Lotta Love" before I showed up.

Of course I found y'all charming and sexy as hell. Hence my sadness at not being able to figure out how Libertarians have orgies or even if they can.

9/30/2005 12:17:00 PM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

Libertarians don't NEED orgies. We're capable of doing things for ourselves and looking out for our own interests. Right down to the basics.

Mmmhmm. I went there.

Here. Watch my bong for me.

9/30/2005 12:48:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

I just knew there could be no such thing as a libertarian orgy. Well, that's very sad to me. The dream is gone.

9/30/2005 12:59:00 PM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

I came in here to set everyone straight on the Zep II vs. Grafitti debate, and those of you in the Zep II camp would have been openly weeping and asking for Jimmy Page's forgiveness when I was done. Believe me on this.

Then I saw talk of orgies and brownies and forgot my what I was going to say.

9/30/2005 05:03:00 PM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

I seemed to have lost my feeble grasp on proofreading as well.

9/30/2005 05:04:00 PM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

Why on earth would we need an orgy? The two libertarians you know have broken more household furnishings between them (not literally between them but you know...) than your average moving company. We're just fine one on one.

Oh, and you're full of it with the Zep II thing.


9/30/2005 05:08:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Woman, if you can't think of one reason why you might need an orgy, I'm afraid we're so far apart philosophically on the matter as to make any discussion of it pointless.

Also, I feel like I should say, for the record, that y'all aren't the only Libertarians I know, or else I wouldn't have known of your secret plot to rule New Hampshire.

9/30/2005 09:13:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home