Friday, December 02, 2005

The Shopping List

So, the shopping list for Saturday, which was just
  • Cute bra for under button-down shirts

is now

  • Cute bra for under button-down shirts
  • Shoes for work

Yes, here it is December 2nd and I'm still wearing sandals. Now, living down here means that you can get away with wearing sandals for a lot longer than one might think, but it's 20 degrees out.

Where, you might ask, are my awesome chunky-heeled black shoes that have served me so faithfully?

Well, after the tragic art accident that covered them in green crayon (I didn't care. I wore them anyway. I considered it bohemian.), when I switched to sandals for the summer, they were apparently drafted into service as bowling shoe stretchers.

Yes, my favorite pair of shoes, which are warm for the winter and comfortable, with a heel, but not too much, spent months stuffed inside the Butcher's bowling shoes.

Needless to say, they did not survive.

This would not bug me so much, except that the Butcher claims I said he should use them for that purpose and, who knows? Maybe I did. Was I drunk? On drugs? Deranged? I don't know.

And, it wouldn't bother me so much except it means I actually have to go shopping, which I loathe. One item on your list, you can kind of just park near the store you need to go into, run in there, and blindly grab the first thing that seems okay, pay for it, whatever the price, and leave.

But once you need two things, you're kind of committed to careful consideration of your purchases. Carefully considering something that's not going to turn me into Wonder Woman or get me laid is just not that much fun for me.


Blogger the Professor said...

Well, you know my feelings on the relationship between cute underwear and getting laid, so I think you should be willing to carfully consider items on a two item shopping list.

Should I warn you now that I was guess we were going to at least 3 stores, maybe 4?

And, the cute boy, in discussing his first ever one night stand, agrees with my underwear theories. He added some standards, but I won't stress you out with those yet. Baby steps.

12/02/2005 09:06:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Sweet Christ! We're bringing the cute boy into this?

Bring your computer; we'll live-blog the whole event:

11:20--B. seems disgruntled already. Is she really wearing overalls to go bra shopping in?

11:30--We've arrived at the mall. B. refuses to go in, suggesting we just do our shopping online. I beat her with a tire-iron.

12:14--I've found some bras for her to try on. She thinks I don't know that she's hiding behind that rack of shirts, but I see her.


3:34--B. appears to be in some kind of coma. I don't know if it's from the motivational beatings or just her response to the overstimulation of the mall. Sadly, I'll have to call someone to help me drag her out to the car. Happily, her breasts look fabulous in her new bra.

12/02/2005 09:14:00 AM  
Blogger grandefille said...

It appears that purchasing the item in that second link would qualify you as Wonder Woman anyway.

You might want to get some gold wristlets, though. Just in case.

(It is my personal experience that wearing cute underwear makes you feisty (-ier), which can often lead to the laid part. Ahem.)

12/02/2005 09:26:00 AM  
Blogger the Professor said...

It's so not going to be like that. I predict you are going to love shopping, once you go with me. Many can attest to this both for bras and shoes. You havn't seen how cute my philosopher is lately with his new shoes and new glasses and all kinds of new clothes - all of which fit nicely because he was willing to try them on in the stores. Well, he picked out the coat all my himself. And the underwear, but he won't let me see all of it, yet.

Sorry about using the cute boy, but I need some help here.

12/02/2005 09:32:00 AM  
Blogger Exador said...

Following my general guideline that all things are better with booze, might I suggest you get liquored up before and/or on the way to shopping. A little liquid courage will make the trip, not only smoother, but a lot more fun.

Stick with the mixed drinks, shots if you can handle them. My personal recommendation is Jager Bombs; their easy to drink, and they give you wings.
Avoid beer.

12/02/2005 11:04:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

The Professor's live-blogging continued:

4:12--B. has been sneaking Goldschlager all afternoon and is now randomly calling people on her cell phone telling them about her awesome tits. I don't think she's nearly as drunk as she's pretending to be.

12/02/2005 11:09:00 AM  
Blogger the Professor said...

If we can handle shots. IF? But you really recommend Jager Bombs? I tend to just go for the Jim Beam. The problem is that B has the problem, not me, and she is a little less tolerant of shots than I am. I can picture it now - the combination of her drunken friendliness and my having to help stuff her into bras. I hope the fitting room security camera tapes don't end up on the internet, at least not without my getting a cut of the profits.

12/02/2005 11:12:00 AM  
Blogger SuperGenius said...

I am trying to put this as delicately as possible. Experience shows us that having a few drinks before hitting the mall, on this type of shopping trip, can lead to slightly more, shall we say, alternative purchases than one may have intended.

Which could be a good thing or a bad thing.

12/02/2005 11:24:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

You know, my drunken antics are going to ruin my reputation as a misanthrope.

I can't help it. I love y'all and when I get drunk, I just have to show you how much.

I don't think that's a trait to be ridiculed, but instead, to be celebrated.

12/02/2005 11:27:00 AM  
Blogger the Professor said...

How could yu misread my last comment as ridicule rather than celebration? I am just cautious about who witnesses the celebration and what they are doing while witnessing.

12/02/2005 11:31:00 AM  
Blogger Exador said...

Get loaded, bring a camera, try on lingerie.

What's the worst that could happen?

12/02/2005 11:33:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll keep an ear open for a ruckus from the ladies dressing rooms this weekend while I'm at the mall. I have decent odds of picking the right one.


12/02/2005 12:42:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...


Just so you know, if we catch you peeking, we're going to make you hold the camera. We'll free up a hand that way.

Boy Scout,

We'll put you on the distribution list.

You're welcome.

12/02/2005 02:04:00 PM  

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