The Shopping List
- Cute bra for under button-down shirts
is now
- Cute bra for under button-down shirts
- Shoes for work
Yes, here it is December 2nd and I'm still wearing sandals. Now, living down here means that you can get away with wearing sandals for a lot longer than one might think, but it's 20 degrees out.
Where, you might ask, are my awesome chunky-heeled black shoes that have served me so faithfully?
Well, after the tragic art accident that covered them in green crayon (I didn't care. I wore them anyway. I considered it bohemian.), when I switched to sandals for the summer, they were apparently drafted into service as bowling shoe stretchers.
Yes, my favorite pair of shoes, which are warm for the winter and comfortable, with a heel, but not too much, spent months stuffed inside the Butcher's bowling shoes.
Needless to say, they did not survive.
This would not bug me so much, except that the Butcher claims I said he should use them for that purpose and, who knows? Maybe I did. Was I drunk? On drugs? Deranged? I don't know.
And, it wouldn't bother me so much except it means I actually have to go shopping, which I loathe. One item on your list, you can kind of just park near the store you need to go into, run in there, and blindly grab the first thing that seems okay, pay for it, whatever the price, and leave.
But once you need two things, you're kind of committed to careful consideration of your purchases. Carefully considering something that's not going to turn me into Wonder Woman or get me laid is just not that much fun for me.
posted by Aunt B at 12/02/2005 07:20:00 AM
9 Comments:
Sweet Christ! We're bringing the cute boy into this?
Bring your computer; we'll live-blog the whole event:
11:20--B. seems disgruntled already. Is she really wearing overalls to go bra shopping in?
11:30--We've arrived at the mall. B. refuses to go in, suggesting we just do our shopping online. I beat her with a tire-iron.
12:14--I've found some bras for her to try on. She thinks I don't know that she's hiding behind that rack of shirts, but I see her.
[...]
3:34--B. appears to be in some kind of coma. I don't know if it's from the motivational beatings or just her response to the overstimulation of the mall. Sadly, I'll have to call someone to help me drag her out to the car. Happily, her breasts look fabulous in her new bra.
It appears that purchasing the item in that second link would qualify you as Wonder Woman anyway.
You might want to get some gold wristlets, though. Just in case.
(It is my personal experience that wearing cute underwear makes you feisty (-ier), which can often lead to the laid part. Ahem.)
Following my general guideline that all things are better with booze, might I suggest you get liquored up before and/or on the way to shopping. A little liquid courage will make the trip, not only smoother, but a lot more fun.
Stick with the mixed drinks, shots if you can handle them. My personal recommendation is Jager Bombs; their easy to drink, and they give you wings.
Avoid beer.
The Professor's live-blogging continued:
4:12--B. has been sneaking Goldschlager all afternoon and is now randomly calling people on her cell phone telling them about her awesome tits. I don't think she's nearly as drunk as she's pretending to be.
I am trying to put this as delicately as possible. Experience shows us that having a few drinks before hitting the mall, on this type of shopping trip, can lead to slightly more, shall we say, alternative purchases than one may have intended.
Which could be a good thing or a bad thing.
You know, my drunken antics are going to ruin my reputation as a misanthrope.
I can't help it. I love y'all and when I get drunk, I just have to show you how much.
I don't think that's a trait to be ridiculed, but instead, to be celebrated.
Get loaded, bring a camera, try on lingerie.
What's the worst that could happen?
I'll keep an ear open for a ruckus from the ladies dressing rooms this weekend while I'm at the mall. I have decent odds of picking the right one.
w
W.,
Just so you know, if we catch you peeking, we're going to make you hold the camera. We'll free up a hand that way.
Boy Scout,
We'll put you on the distribution list.
You're welcome.
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