Thursday, June 30, 2005
About Me
- Name: Aunt B
- Location: Nashville, Tennessee, United States
Like Donnell Alexander says, "It's about completing the task of living with enough spontaneity to splurge some of it on bystanders, to share with others working through their own travails a little of your bonus life." But, it's mostly the kind of place that folks looking for "girls and cars" stumble across by accident.
I'VE MOVED. COME CHECK OUT THE MOST RECENT STUFF HERE.
WHERE TO DIRECT YOUR HATE MAIL AND LOVE LETTERS
ALL PROCEEDS GO TO BEER
THINGS I SAID RECENTLY
- The Butcher's Cult
- Weird Soap
- Something Really Gross
- The Kindly Satanist
- Okay, Now Really...
- The Liberal Media is Me!
- Ancestor Worship
- Can Merchandising Be Far Behind?
- Humane Society Stained by Santorum
THE CAST OF CHARACTERS
Aunt B.--Your kind host.The Butcher--My youngest brother, who lives with me and works as, you guessed it, a butcher. He knows everyone in town.
The Recalcitrant Brother--Our middle brother, who lives in rural Georgia and has a kind of movie star life, if that movie star is Burt Reynolds in Deliverance.
The Reverend--Our Dad, a Methodist minister, perpetually three years from retirement.
Mom--Our Mom. She doesn't get a funny nickname because our mom will not stand for funny nicknames.
Mrs. Wigglebottom--My dog. She's got terrible manners.
The Corporate Shill--Or The Shill, as we call her. My friend from college who was constantly getting me into trouble and going to parties she neglected to tell me about where cute boys would ask her "Where's Aunt B.?"
The Legal Eagle--The Shill's husband.
The Super Genius--She lived next door to me my freshman year of college and we've been friends ever since my first day on the floor.
Miss J.--My first adult friend, meaning the first lasting friendship I made after college. She was my roommate in grad school.
Her Lover--Her Husband.
The Divine Ms. B.--Miss J.'s sister and one of my heroes, because she's brave and funny and mystic and fearless.
JR--My oldest friend. I've known her since I was in the second grade.
Elias--JR's husband and the person who's musical tastes have most strongly affected my own. Oh, how I long to be cooler than him!
The Professor--My closest friend here in Nashville. She's a genius, but she'll never tell you that.
The Man from GM--I've known him since I was 16 and he still hasn't forgiven me for telling him I was a vegetarian when I wasn't.
The Redheaded Kid--No one knows where he comes from or where he goes when he leaves here. I assume he's the Butcher's friend. The Butcher assumes he's mine.
8 Comments:
Although it doesn't happen much any more, I used to get so irked when talking to a guy who kept staring at my boobs. "Up here, asshole" was my standard, if unoriginal, line.
well put, Aunt B.
Now, see, I differ from some folks in that, if your eyes drift down while we're talking, I don't mind, as long as they also drift back up.
It's hard to look folks in the face all the time and boobs are associated with all kinds of good things, so if you want to glance at mine for a little reassurance, go ahead.
Truth is, I'm doing the same thing ("Well, I may look like shit, but at least I have some nice boobs for him/her to look at. See, aren't you nice? Yes, yes you are.").
But the luring and the uninterrupted staring, that's what drives me crazy.
Though, Taketoshi, I haven't noticed if you do this or not, because I'm so busy staring at your crotch, I have no idea where you're looking.
I think in that situation I'd be tempted to say, very loudily, "What? I can't hear you! What did you say? You want me to lean over so you can see my breasts?"
I must say, Jo(e), I hope I get to use that line.
I hate boob starers. I don't have any. So I assume people are looking for them, not at them. Men AND women--caught 'em both lost on on the treasure hunt.
Sick pervs.
ha ha ha! good one!
When I was in high school someone had a tee shirt that said, "Don't stare, grow your own!"
As the spokesmen for rude men, we can't not look at boobs. Eye contact of course must be established at some point in the conversation, but eventually, inevitably, inexorably we are going to get a good look. Probably while you are talking. When Eve offered the apple to Adam, he was busy staring at her rack while she was talking and not fully comprehending that he was about to doom humanity to living with several millenia of religious guilt, sin and eventually polyester leisure suits.
Sorry about that. I thought you had something in your eye and was just trying to get a better look. Won't happen again.
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