Tuesday, June 28, 2005
About Me
- Name: Aunt B
- Location: Nashville, Tennessee, United States
Like Donnell Alexander says, "It's about completing the task of living with enough spontaneity to splurge some of it on bystanders, to share with others working through their own travails a little of your bonus life." But, it's mostly the kind of place that folks looking for "girls and cars" stumble across by accident.
I'VE MOVED. COME CHECK OUT THE MOST RECENT STUFF HERE.
WHERE TO DIRECT YOUR HATE MAIL AND LOVE LETTERS
ALL PROCEEDS GO TO BEER
THINGS I SAID RECENTLY
- Ancestor Worship
- Can Merchandising Be Far Behind?
- Humane Society Stained by Santorum
- The Least Surprising Post Ever
- "That Kid is So Weird"
- The Butcher's Art
- Quick Update
- My Fantasy Tanya Tucker Album
- Things That Don't Quite Work
THE CAST OF CHARACTERS
Aunt B.--Your kind host.The Butcher--My youngest brother, who lives with me and works as, you guessed it, a butcher. He knows everyone in town.
The Recalcitrant Brother--Our middle brother, who lives in rural Georgia and has a kind of movie star life, if that movie star is Burt Reynolds in Deliverance.
The Reverend--Our Dad, a Methodist minister, perpetually three years from retirement.
Mom--Our Mom. She doesn't get a funny nickname because our mom will not stand for funny nicknames.
Mrs. Wigglebottom--My dog. She's got terrible manners.
The Corporate Shill--Or The Shill, as we call her. My friend from college who was constantly getting me into trouble and going to parties she neglected to tell me about where cute boys would ask her "Where's Aunt B.?"
The Legal Eagle--The Shill's husband.
The Super Genius--She lived next door to me my freshman year of college and we've been friends ever since my first day on the floor.
Miss J.--My first adult friend, meaning the first lasting friendship I made after college. She was my roommate in grad school.
Her Lover--Her Husband.
The Divine Ms. B.--Miss J.'s sister and one of my heroes, because she's brave and funny and mystic and fearless.
JR--My oldest friend. I've known her since I was in the second grade.
Elias--JR's husband and the person who's musical tastes have most strongly affected my own. Oh, how I long to be cooler than him!
The Professor--My closest friend here in Nashville. She's a genius, but she'll never tell you that.
The Man from GM--I've known him since I was 16 and he still hasn't forgiven me for telling him I was a vegetarian when I wasn't.
The Redheaded Kid--No one knows where he comes from or where he goes when he leaves here. I assume he's the Butcher's friend. The Butcher assumes he's mine.
8 Comments:
I'm trying to make sure I have all my man-hating, witch-crafty, communist, feminist, liberal media bullshit in order. I've already scheduled a frivolous abortion for tomorrow afternoon and two on Friday.
I love you.
You are getting famouser and famouser.
Well deservedly, of course.
Ditto what both Brittney and Peggasus said.
Hahahaha! You funny gal, you.
You are a hoot. I will miss reading you while I'm on vacation.
Here's a little note I just sent to Bill "Kitten Killer" Frist. Thought you'd appreciate...
---
You should be ashamed of your vote against the global warming legislation bill, but then again, there's a whole lot you should be ashamed of. I'm glad to see that the bill passed, and that you got another taste of failure. It's a taste you'll come to know very well. I wouldn't support you if you were the last politician on Earth, and I plan to actively campaign against you in any future political endeavors. I sincerely hope you run for the Presidency so I can exercise every opportunity to express how ashamed thousands of Tennesseans are of you and your regressive, hateful ideals.
You embody the worst facets of the collective American character, and in years to come when we have the luxury of hindsight and the people of our country are not clouded by fear, your true character will be understood. I look forward to a day when Americans will look at your legacy and clearly see what a scumbag you are. You will go down in history as a (hopefully minor) stain on this great nation.
Oh, and if anyone else has anything particularly nasty to say to ol' BF, there's a hate mail submission form located at the URL below. I'm going to start doing this every afternoon. Bill and I are going to be pen pals.
http://frist.senate.gov/index.cfm?FuseAction=AboutSenatorFrist.ContactForm
Nothing, and I mean nothing, makes me happier than the thought of Bill "the Kitten Killer" Frist getting hate mail from Tiny Cat Pants folks.
That, my friends, is hilarious.
Post a Comment
<< Home