Simple Questions

If a man says "Put the whole bill on my card," and throws his credit card on the table and goes outside to have a smoke, why should he be surprised to come back to the table and find that he has spent $65 on dinner? If a woman, say our charming Professor, is continually falling down, does it not seem reasonable that we should try to design a giant baby walker for the Professor, that she could use to maneuver around campus without putting undue pressure on her ankles? Is that any weirder an idea than some kind of helper dog? Though, in all fairness, I suppose if the Professor had a mastiff on either side of her, they could lean in on her a little bit and prevent her from falling. But where would two mastiffs sleep in her tiny apartment? What kind of name is "Frank" for a boob freckle? Thanks for nothing, Sheik. Could it be any more beautiful out? The dog and I are going to the park just as soon as I throw some clothes on.