Monday, January 02, 2006

If Only My Cooter Were Pretty, I'd Be Happy

Rachel has an interesting post about women willing to hack up their cooters to make them more appealing to men. Can we just skip to the especially gross part?
A 26-year-old Latin American woman who lives in New York's Queens had a hymen repair in 2001 and says it took almost two months for her to feel comfortable again. It took even longer for her to enjoy sex.
Rachel correctly predicts my response. If the father of your children is such a fucker that he wants you to have painful, needless surgery so that he can have the opportunity to hurt you when you have sex with him, you need to stab that jerk in the gut and take whatever therapy they offer you in prison. However, let me just say that, if you come from a culture that so highly values virginity that you must somehow maintain the integrity of fragile tissue clear into your twenties, I take a kind of perverse pleasure in knowing that women can come to the States, fuck around all they want, and go home with their "virginity" intact. A little fraud in order for you to do what you want under oppressive conditions is cool with me. But here's the thing. Here in America, reshaping your cooter doesn't have much, if anything, to do with subversive behavior. It has to do with women finding one more thing to change in an effort to avoid learning to just like themselves how they are and doctors finding another source of income. And it's extremely disturbing that, in a world where so many women have to hack up their cooters in order to get by, that we would, rather than revel in our hack-free cooters, mimic women who have no choice.


Blogger dailydiablogger said...

Oh man, you said cooter.

1/02/2006 05:21:00 PM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

Well, you and your Dad will have a lot to chat about during his visit. You can regale him with stories about hacked up cooters and pulling out ass hair for hours and hours.

1/02/2006 06:14:00 PM  
Blogger jo(e) said...

Well said.

1/02/2006 07:24:00 PM  
Blogger Exador said...

This reminds me of that stand you took against penile implants.

Oh, that's right. Never mind.

1/02/2006 08:49:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Boy Scout, you let me know the second your penis is oppressed and I swear I'll come to your defense.

Well, if I can get the car...

1/02/2006 09:19:00 PM  
Blogger Exador said...

So my penile oppression is dependant on the Butcher's schedule? Great.

1/03/2006 12:04:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

No, your penis can be oppressed at any moment. However, if you'd like me to liberate your penis, then you are indeed dependent on the Butcher's schedule.

1/03/2006 12:16:00 PM  
Blogger the Professor said...

I know that the definition of of viginity is not so clear, but I really thought that an intact hymen was not it. I guess it makes sense to say that a (naturally) intact hymen means you are a virgin but lack of one does not clearly indicate that you are not still a virgin.

So what I wonder is, how can a 40 year old woman with children claim to be a virgin - with her own husband to boot?

I can even get that the surgery will change sex - the first time after it anyhow. But can't we come up with some less intrusive and expensive ways to make penetration difficult, which supposedly is what it's like to have sex with a virgin?

1/03/2006 01:41:00 PM  
Blogger Exador said...

So you would support an oppressed-penis uprising?

1/03/2006 04:14:00 PM  
Anonymous Ally said...

hacking cooters...god bless the internet

1/03/2006 04:35:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Boy Scout, why must you ask me these questions when we both know what the answer is? Of course, I'd support an uprising of your penis at any time.

1/03/2006 06:12:00 PM  
Blogger Exador said...

I can't help it if I like to hear you talk dirty.

1/03/2006 07:01:00 PM  
Blogger newscoma said...

I know a guy named Cooter. He is not a pretty fellow and no amount of surgery will help him.
Oh, you were talking about vaginas.
Never mind.

1/03/2006 09:01:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

They offer therapy in prison? Really? US prisons?

1/04/2006 12:36:00 AM  
Blogger Chrissykins said...

If a man says my cooter is too flabby, I'd suggest he check his member. Men ALWAYS blame their limp dicks and lack there of..... on the woman. PLEASE! It's's your fault if it's flopping around. Does needle dick mean anything to you.....? hello!!
You go girl!!

1/04/2006 07:25:00 PM  
Blogger All The Unknown said...

All I can say is "Wow".. I dont know if this is a joke or anything but yeah like I stated, "Wow."

1/04/2006 07:27:00 PM  

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