My Spirit Guide
- Fritz, from TV on the Fritz, though he'll deny it, secretly longs to make his living as a George Jones impersonator. The only thing preventing this is Fritz's disturbing "yabba dabba doo, the king is dead and so are you." It's George Jones, Fritzy, not Eminem.
- The reason Kleinheider won't appear in public is that he has two heads. An even lesser-known fact? One of these heads is Al Sharpton.
- Sarcastro is actually an elaborate parody of a "divorced white male in his late thirties. Just like every other asshole with a weblog." perpetrated by two obnoxious Nashville feminists. He doesn't actually exist. The man in the photos and at the public appearances is really the infamous leftist, Church Secretary.
- The Super Genius chews tobacco, but only on national holidays.
- I have my grandpa's tooth and a raccoon penis bone in a bag by my bed.
Sadly, after these pronouncements, it appears that Camino's wife demanded he stop talking to himself or at least talk to himself in another room where she didn't have to hear it and I lost contact with him.
Still, I'm sure that these must all be true.
Why would my spirit guide lie?