Monday, February 13, 2006

Random Stuff by Men

I'm about ready to devote the evening to listening to Keith Olbermann and playing Rollercoaster Tycoon. I'm out of witty and insightful things to say about my vagina. So, instead, here's some stuff I keep coming back to, like tiny pearls pried out of old clams at the bottom of this vast ocean we call the blogosphere. 1. The Wayward Boy Scout is as close as we'll ever come to seeing a libertarian poet. Here's his classic poem "You May Now Sue Everybody"
Sue every maker of car, home and portable music devices. Sue every car maker for selling cars that go too fast. Sue every light, flashlight and lightbulb maker for selling something that will hurt your vision. Sue every maker of every kind of food. Sue your HVAC maker for making a unit that can make your house too hot or too cold. Sue every maker of every kind of chemical. Fuck it. Everybody sue everybody.
In a weird way, it reminds me of Whitman. 2. Plimco got the most awesome poem from some old married guy. I love it. Unless he's really old, then maybe it's yucky. 3. When Sarcastro puts his mind to it, he's an awesome writer. Read this now before he gets back to his regular bitching about dead television stars. 4. Nashville Knucklehead knocks my socks off today. It starts out so awesome--"One score and a million beers ago"--detours through The Doors (and we all know how much I love The Doors)--"Hey, 'L. A. Woman' doesn't just learn itself, you know."--and ends with a stoner chasing a crazy man. Read it and weep. 5. Kleinheider. What can I say that won't violate the restraining order? There's great wisdom in recognizing someone else's smarts. 6. I don't know how many folks there are over at Say Uncle--the Uncle himself & #9 I already knew--and today Gunnar brings the funny. 7. And, what the fuck? Let's finish it off with another libertarian, who brings us the happy story of police officers who have orgasms at the taxpayers' expense.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aging television stars are our cultural heritage. Franklin Cover dies and there isn almost no media coverage compared to Brittney Spears latest child endangerment charge.

America, where are your priorities?

2/13/2006 07:04:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

I'm sure it must be tough watching the people you grew up with dying off. I appreciate your willingness to share, as it helps prepare me for what I'll be going through when I'm your age, a decade from now.

2/13/2006 07:17:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't worry, soon some of the stars you grew up with will all be dying of drug overdoses, eating disorder side-effects, suicide, and other repercussions of Natural Selection.

When Alan Thicke or some other lame icon of your youth dies, you will be curled up in a ball, weeping like an Italian grandmother.

I still get choked up when I think about Mr. Rogers. If you had a soul instead of a Lee Press-On Boob Freckle, you would too.

2/13/2006 07:26:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Are you doubting the veracity of the boob freckle?


Just because you've never done anything worthwhile enough to earn a glimpse of it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

If you think I don't get choked up about the death of Mr. Rogers, you so clearly don't get that PBS was the only channel I was allowed to watch as a child.

2/13/2006 07:38:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you watched so much PBS, how is it that Sesame Street seems so far above your comprehension level now?

How could I miss the boob freckle when you make it a point to flash me and every other person with a Y chromosome whenever we are in public?

It just seems sad that the "freckle" needs to be hyped by you in order to create a fake buzz about how glorious your cleavage is alleged to be. Alleged by you, I might add.

That sort of fake bragging, is it supposed to convince us, or are you trying to convince yourself?

2/13/2006 07:47:00 PM  
Blogger HUCK said...

Sorry to disturb the old married couple in the middle of their piss 'n' bitch fest, but...

When Sarcastro puts his mind to it, he's an awesome writer.


2/13/2006 07:59:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

'I don't know how many folks there are over at Say Uncle'

Well, let's see:
Pathetic Earthling*
Fox (token chick)*

That makes 8. The * means ones I've not heard from in a while.


2/13/2006 09:27:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

I'm sorry, Sarcastro. I don't understand what your complaint is. You're a straight man; I regularly show you my cleavage, which you acknowledge when faced with it in person, is "very nice." You don't want to see very nice cleavage?

Is that what happens when men reach a certain age and the testosterone levels drop off? You don't care about seeing magnificent tits any more?

That's so sad.

Thibodeaux... Okay, I'm on the lookout for him.

2/13/2006 09:38:00 PM  

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