Pop Culture Ruination Day

Every once in a while someone will point something out to me in an off-handed way that then ruins my enjoyment of certain pop culture phenomenon. But why should I suffer alone? I now share the following:

• JC Chasez is what happens when Milhouse from The Simpsons grows up and gets contacts. I can no longer enjoy The Simpsons.
• Montgomery Gentry cannot smile. Instead, they appear to sneer menacingly, even in their love songs, which leads me to spend a lot of time shuddering when I see their videos.
• Jesse James, custom motorcycle builder extraordinare, cannot spell and posts on his message board in all caps, thus my love for him has died.
• Both Jamie Lee Curtis and Signorney Weaver have a certain something about them that reminds me of my mom. I don't know which is worse, the terror of watching Aliens or True Lies and seeing my mom in those situations, or having my mom come and visit and never once catching her blowing anything up or shooting anyone.
• Shooter Jennings is friends with Kid Rock. Imagine the drunken evening that ends with you naked between the two of them.
• The Dukes of Hazzard. Cooter, Cletus, Enis, Rosco Pervis Coltrane. . . Is it just me or do those names all sound like pet names for genitalia?