I Have a Headache, Therefore I Bitch

My head hurts. I took two Tylenol, but my head still hurts. I should have taken the Tylenol earlier, but I kind of like the pre-headache weirdness, where everything is bright and vivid and I'm lightheaded and dizzy and it feels like every nerve in my body is turned on all at once. It's too late now; here's pain, who left his keys on the table when he left last time and now had to kick the door in to get back in my head. My brain feels like it's splitting in two. Okay, technically my brain is already split in two. You've got to feel bad for the left hemisphere of my brain. I'm sure it held out hope for as long as it could that it would be called on to do more than try to keep track of how much money I have in my checking account (currently, around $15). But I've never been one of those people who had much use for math and so my left hemisphere slowly atrophied while my right hemisphere was busy flaking it up with religion, reading, and imagining. Maybe this is my left hemisphere's revenge: that it's slowly turned to stone and now big hard rock chunks of it are rolling around in my skull smashing against the tender parts.