Tuesday, October 04, 2005
About Me
- Name: Aunt B
- Location: Nashville, Tennessee, United States
Like Donnell Alexander says, "It's about completing the task of living with enough spontaneity to splurge some of it on bystanders, to share with others working through their own travails a little of your bonus life." But, it's mostly the kind of place that folks looking for "girls and cars" stumble across by accident.
I'VE MOVED. COME CHECK OUT THE MOST RECENT STUFF HERE.
WHERE TO DIRECT YOUR HATE MAIL AND LOVE LETTERS
ALL PROCEEDS GO TO BEER
THINGS I SAID RECENTLY
- Sunday Night Still Lingers
- Celebrity Gossip and other Sitemeter Gems
- Pretending
- In Which I Explain the World to White Men
- UFC on Spike TV
- I Heart Miers
- My Weekend with My Man
- Just a Little Freaked Out
- Idiosyncrasies
- Political Party
THE CAST OF CHARACTERS
Aunt B.--Your kind host.The Butcher--My youngest brother, who lives with me and works as, you guessed it, a butcher. He knows everyone in town.
The Recalcitrant Brother--Our middle brother, who lives in rural Georgia and has a kind of movie star life, if that movie star is Burt Reynolds in Deliverance.
The Reverend--Our Dad, a Methodist minister, perpetually three years from retirement.
Mom--Our Mom. She doesn't get a funny nickname because our mom will not stand for funny nicknames.
Mrs. Wigglebottom--My dog. She's got terrible manners.
The Corporate Shill--Or The Shill, as we call her. My friend from college who was constantly getting me into trouble and going to parties she neglected to tell me about where cute boys would ask her "Where's Aunt B.?"
The Legal Eagle--The Shill's husband.
The Super Genius--She lived next door to me my freshman year of college and we've been friends ever since my first day on the floor.
Miss J.--My first adult friend, meaning the first lasting friendship I made after college. She was my roommate in grad school.
Her Lover--Her Husband.
The Divine Ms. B.--Miss J.'s sister and one of my heroes, because she's brave and funny and mystic and fearless.
JR--My oldest friend. I've known her since I was in the second grade.
Elias--JR's husband and the person who's musical tastes have most strongly affected my own. Oh, how I long to be cooler than him!
The Professor--My closest friend here in Nashville. She's a genius, but she'll never tell you that.
The Man from GM--I've known him since I was 16 and he still hasn't forgiven me for telling him I was a vegetarian when I wasn't.
The Redheaded Kid--No one knows where he comes from or where he goes when he leaves here. I assume he's the Butcher's friend. The Butcher assumes he's mine.
11 Comments:
As a native Hoooooooosier I think I can objectively state that my native state's name is easily the most mediocre state name of the fifty states. Really, naming your state after people who were incorrectly identified by Columbus who thought he was in India..kinda sad.
Anyway, I'm afraid the mediocrity of the name has often been reflected in the output of the state legislature over the years, including the lower depths of mediocrity as exhibited in this pregnancy nonsense.
On the other hand, I guess there'll be a brisk underground trade in turkey basters and frozen embryos...
I think there are a lot of former Hoosiers around here, man.
I'm originally from Muncie by way of Indianapolis.
Whaddya know? A Muncie girl! Goooo Eagles!
Norville Barnes
Ivy...
I'm from Fort Wayne and went to Taylor over in Upland.
Used to get late night food over in Muncie.
Ha! I read this on a smoke bread while a few friends were in the other room. When I came back with the psycho news we had quite a heated debate! Thanks for the fun!
I've spent the last decade writing a massive scholarly treatise on Indiana. How dang sad is that?
Indiana, Indiana? That state sandwiched between Illinois and Ohio? My family helped settle Madison, Indiana... well, in between marrying their cousins.
What conclusions have you come to, other than that, obviously, "The Authority Song" by John Mellencamp is the best song ever to sing to your brother when you're trying to make him feel bad about his arrest record?
Have you discovered what confluence of circumstances spit Axl Rose out of West Lafayette?
I have scientifically demonstrated that Indiana's political weirdness can be replicated in human populations anywhere, given a sufficient density of dirt tracks, titty bars, war memorials, and basketball hoops. It was the damndest thing, too. All my initial test subjects wound up looking just like Larry Bird. It's never going to be published, though. Can't get it past my university's IRB.
Madison? Really? Your ancestors' sexual indiscretions and family problems are probably in my dissertation...
Well, if you wrote about a bunch of men who traveled down the Ohio all with the same last name who settled in Madison and then went back up the Ohio and found brides with their same last name in Pennsylvania, those are my people.
Ah, yes. I think I know just the bunch you mean. That was more common than you might suppose. Which, in turn, explains a lot about Indiana. Small world, isn't it?
WHO THE FUCK IS RUNNING INDIANA?!!!!
This makes me afraid.
Because they are right next door to my state.
Based on these 'conditions,' I could, even as a married hetero-person, be prosecuted, because as an infertile female, I used drugs, shots, hormone therapy and other apparently other unnatural means to be able to eventually bear my two children. With no insurance coverage, by the way.
I call bullshit.
Assholes. Hoosiers. (My friends in Indiana, I don't mean you.) Fuck 'em all.
As you can see, I have some issues with this issue.
Oh, it's only about single women? OK then. No problemo.
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