Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Indiana Prepares to Criminalize the Virgin Mary

I have to interrupt my evening of feeling sorry for myself to report that Indiana is entertaining the idea of making it illegal for a single woman to have a baby through any other means than getting impregnated by a man. Why do you hate Jesus' mother, Indiana? And, more importantly, will you charge God with a class B misdemeanor: "unauthorized practice of artificial reproduction?"

11 Comments:

Blogger John H said...

As a native Hoooooooosier I think I can objectively state that my native state's name is easily the most mediocre state name of the fifty states. Really, naming your state after people who were incorrectly identified by Columbus who thought he was in India..kinda sad.

Anyway, I'm afraid the mediocrity of the name has often been reflected in the output of the state legislature over the years, including the lower depths of mediocrity as exhibited in this pregnancy nonsense.

On the other hand, I guess there'll be a brisk underground trade in turkey basters and frozen embryos...

10/04/2005 11:26:00 PM  
Blogger Ivy, the Great and Powerful said...

I think there are a lot of former Hoosiers around here, man.

I'm originally from Muncie by way of Indianapolis.

10/04/2005 11:53:00 PM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

Whaddya know? A Muncie girl! Goooo Eagles!

Norville Barnes

10/05/2005 07:59:00 AM  
Blogger Kat Coble said...

Ivy...
I'm from Fort Wayne and went to Taylor over in Upland.

Used to get late night food over in Muncie.

10/05/2005 10:45:00 AM  
Blogger Twyla said...

Ha! I read this on a smoke bread while a few friends were in the other room. When I came back with the psycho news we had quite a heated debate! Thanks for the fun!

10/05/2005 02:45:00 PM  
Blogger bridgett said...

I've spent the last decade writing a massive scholarly treatise on Indiana. How dang sad is that?

10/05/2005 03:26:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Indiana, Indiana? That state sandwiched between Illinois and Ohio? My family helped settle Madison, Indiana... well, in between marrying their cousins.

What conclusions have you come to, other than that, obviously, "The Authority Song" by John Mellencamp is the best song ever to sing to your brother when you're trying to make him feel bad about his arrest record?

Have you discovered what confluence of circumstances spit Axl Rose out of West Lafayette?

10/05/2005 03:36:00 PM  
Blogger bridgett said...

I have scientifically demonstrated that Indiana's political weirdness can be replicated in human populations anywhere, given a sufficient density of dirt tracks, titty bars, war memorials, and basketball hoops. It was the damndest thing, too. All my initial test subjects wound up looking just like Larry Bird. It's never going to be published, though. Can't get it past my university's IRB.

Madison? Really? Your ancestors' sexual indiscretions and family problems are probably in my dissertation...

10/05/2005 04:23:00 PM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Well, if you wrote about a bunch of men who traveled down the Ohio all with the same last name who settled in Madison and then went back up the Ohio and found brides with their same last name in Pennsylvania, those are my people.

10/05/2005 05:23:00 PM  
Blogger bridgett said...

Ah, yes. I think I know just the bunch you mean. That was more common than you might suppose. Which, in turn, explains a lot about Indiana. Small world, isn't it?

10/05/2005 06:35:00 PM  
Blogger Peggasus said...

WHO THE FUCK IS RUNNING INDIANA?!!!!

This makes me afraid.

Because they are right next door to my state.

Based on these 'conditions,' I could, even as a married hetero-person, be prosecuted, because as an infertile female, I used drugs, shots, hormone therapy and other apparently other unnatural means to be able to eventually bear my two children. With no insurance coverage, by the way.

I call bullshit.

Assholes. Hoosiers. (My friends in Indiana, I don't mean you.) Fuck 'em all.

As you can see, I have some issues with this issue.

Oh, it's only about single women? OK then. No problemo.

10/06/2005 12:39:00 AM  

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