Monday, December 12, 2005

Hours of Emotional and Mental Preparation?

Could this day get any better? First, I have the car. Second, the Butcher is cleaning the living room, which will hopefully get rid of the weird smell. And third, from Harper's, via Broadsheet, this gem from the government's abstinence-only materials:
While a man needs little or no preparation for sex, a woman often needs hours of emotional and mental preparation. 5 Major Needs of Women: Affection, Conversation, Honesty and Openness, Financial Support, Family Commitment 5 Major Needs of Men: Sexual Fulfillment, Recreational Companionship, Physical Attractiveness, Admiration, Domestic Support
No, wait, it gets better:
Sexual relationships often lower the self-respect of both partners--one feeling used, the other feeling like the user. Emotional pain can cause a downward spiral, leading to intense feelings of worthlessness.
Anyway, go check it out for yourself.

15 Comments:

Anonymous Chris Wage said...

Sexual relationships often lower the self-respect of both partners--one feeling used, the other feeling like the user. Emotional pain can cause a downward spiral, leading to intense feelings of worthlessness.

That's hot.

12/12/2005 09:39:00 AM  
Blogger Exador said...

"most of us do a lot of negotiations with ourselves and subtly with y'all to try to figure out if you're dangerous, even before we're fucking you."
-Aunt B

Sounds like hours of emotional and mental preparation to me.

12/12/2005 10:05:00 AM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

Oh, so it's all the sex that's causing these intense feelings of worthlessness.

I thought it was the drinking.

12/12/2005 10:12:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

I think you're deliberately misreading my quote. Note the "even before we're fucking you."

I'm not denying that it takes us hours of emotional and mental preparation to decide if we're going to be seen in public with you.

I'm just saying that it doesn't take that much work for us to want to fuck you.

Hours of emotional and mental preparation? Doing what? Meditating? Stretching exercises? Praying to Jesus you'll be quick? Praying to some sex goddess that you won't be?

12/12/2005 10:15:00 AM  
Blogger Rex L. Camino said...

Sexual relationships often lower the self-respect of both partners

So I have been doing it right all this time.

Whew.

12/12/2005 10:32:00 AM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

Hours of Kegel exercises?

12/12/2005 10:38:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Oh, maybe this is when we're supposed to be practicing shooting ping pong balls out our cooters!

12/12/2005 10:40:00 AM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

Like you need practice.

12/12/2005 10:54:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

I can only dream that one day one of your friends will take me to some dark out of the way place and show me into a back room where some woman will explain to me how it's done. That would be awesome.

Maybe you can whoop that up in time for Christmas.

12/12/2005 11:15:00 AM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

The nearest place I can think of is in Tijuana.

12/12/2005 11:23:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Tijuana at Christmas? That'd be nice. Which one of your scary friends will you be entrusting me to this time?

12/12/2005 11:25:00 AM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

Either One-Eyed Pedro or hell, Exador went there for his honeymoon. So he DEFINITELY knows where the Burro Show and other attractions are.

I'm going to Vegas in Feb. The trick will to not get married this time.

12/12/2005 11:30:00 AM  
Blogger Aunt B said...

Come on. You're totally getting married. Like you have any choice in the matter. This woman has a plan she's been slowly implimenting for weeks. I fully expect she'll even eventually convince you to go to church.

And one day, years from now, you'll write me a letter, quoting Huck Finn, talking about how she "allowed she would sivilize me; but it was rough living in the house all the time, considering how dismal regular and decent the widow was in all her ways; and so when I couldn't stand it no longer I lit out."

12/12/2005 11:39:00 AM  
Blogger Exador said...

Don't let your drink out of your sight, or she might slip you a micky.

12/12/2005 12:07:00 PM  
Anonymous Sarcastro said...

When have I ever let a drink out of my sight?

12/12/2005 12:27:00 PM  

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